When grown-ups turn cyberbullies
It's an unimaginably sad story.
Megan Meier, a 13-year-old girl who has struggled with issues of self-esteem and depression, is greeted on MySpace by an older boy. He strikes up a flirtation with her over a series of weeks. Then, inexplicably, he starts sending accusatory messages, then nasty ones.
Megan, crushed by the turn of events, takes her own life.
Further twisting the tragedy is the fact that the boy wasn't a boy at all. Rather, he was the creation of adults, including the mother of one of Megan's friends, a girl with whom she had a falling out.
The story--I am summarizing others' reporting here--is now a year old, but was poignantly told this past weekend in the local paper of the Missouri community where it happened.
It has unleashed a torrent of debate, debate over whether the adults committed a crime, whether laws should be changed and whether the newspaper should have named the people involved. It named the girl who committed suicide, but left out the names of those who created the fictitious boy, citing a desire to protect that family's child.
But although the paper chose not to name the family, there were some clues in the story that led bloggers and others to try to deduce the name of the adults who created the fake profile and taunted the girl.
The legal, moral and journalistic issues are significant and many. But to me, the most important lesson is the one for parents. Social-networking sites are incredibly powerful. They can connect us quickly with the world. But like all powerful tools, they can also do irreparable harm. Sometimes Internet speed is too fast, even for good parents, to keep up with.
Clearly, adolescence has always been a tough time and bullies and taunts are nothing new. But we have created a new world for our children and we must be prepared to help them navigate their way through it.
Too many of them aren't making it on their own. Every 16 minutes, someone in the U.S. dies by suicide. Often it's a youngster trying to make sense of the world. Today, on National Survivors of Suicide Day, I encourage everyone, especially those in the technology industry, to examine how we can make our world--virtual and real--a safer one.
During her years at CNET News, Ina Fried has changed beats several times, changed genders once, and covered both of the Pirates of Silicon Valley. These days, most of her attention is focused on Microsoft. E-mail Ina.
I think the internet is a place where you can do whatever you want. It's the only thing that takes us away from the real world... let's try to keep it like that.
I say...put her in jail.
I assume you know nothing about this family, nor the parenting that was or was not provided to this girl.
If, on the other hand, you are a friend or member of this family and have insight into their unique and, I am sure, complicated situation then disregard my comment.
I hate to break it to ya but the internet is the new "real world" like it or not.
I think the name's of the ex-friend and her parents should be given out to the news papers. Let the publicity of there inhuman actions be there punishment.
Some web sites like Kuro5hin http://www.kuro5hin.org/ have had members there commit suicide because the other members bullied them into it and used phrases like "Kill yourself" and "Shotgun mouthwash now" trying to get others to do a suicide.
I doubt this could ever be tried in a criminal court, nor should it.
I am not trying to be insensitive or flippant, but this girl would have likely done herself in because of a breakup, bad hair day, or because it rained on her birthday.
This is much like the stupid lawsuits against rock musicians. If music or some random stranger on the internet can "make" you kill yourself, then you are in a bad place and likely aren't going to survive much longer. Survival of the fittest often applies to humans as much as it does in the wild.
Where where the parents? Did they care that their kid was obviously depressed?
She had been talking to this "boy" for a long time, thrusting him and helping her change her outlook on life. But that came all crashing down, when "he" reveilled that it was all a ruse, and that others where seeing their communication and could even access it to insult her. To her it meant that the next day EVERYONE at school would be lauging at her. For her, her life was over, she would be ridiculed forever (she's a kid, remember how that was for us back then) So she thought her only option was to end it. Not knowing that this was a lie and that nobody except those morons of neighbours where doing this.
the world would be a better place without you." All this was done and said b/c the adult wanted to know what Megan was saying about her daughter.
But according to you "Survival of the fittest often applies to humans as much as it does in the wild." My suggestion is you go live in the wild---of Afghanistan!
this would not happen on snapvine because you hear the people you are interacting with --- its more like real life and you get a human connection and understanding what the person is like (not to mention how old they actually are and basics!!)
all of this would not have happened on snapvine.com
Heck many people do not believe I am their father because I don't look much over 25.
Believe anything a stranger tells you online and you are just plain stupid. It can happen on any pseudo-socializing site.
Now for survival of the fittest to work you will need to remove all medical practices, eg: heart surgery, transplants, asthma, etc.
http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com/articles/2007/11/10/news/sj2tn20071110-1111stc_pokin_1.ii1.txt
http://blog.wired.com/27bstroke6/2007/11/blog-readers-ou.html
http://apnews.myway.com//article/20071117/D8SVCDSG2.html
The_Decider, this is not a bash just a simple question. Did you read the original story posted on the St. Charles Journal website before you made your comments? Yes, the girl did have problems, very serious problems. That's why she was seeing a therapist from the time she was in third grade when she first mentioned suicide.
Maybe Megan wasn't destined for a long life. Perhaps she was one of those tragically flawed humans who never learn to deal with the cruelty of life. Each hurt we would shrug off, by them is felt deeply until they are given that last mortal wound that sends them over the edge. Then too, with love, support, and age she may have developed the skills to deal with life's harshness.Sadly we'll never know what her future would have been.
What we do know is this.adults who knew the girl, and knew of her emotional problems knowingly and willfully misled her. They played a mind game with her that many adults have fallen prey to. After gaining her trust and affection they sent her hurtful messages and made it known that other members of her social group knew what had occurred between her and the fictitious Josh. I know some adults that would have a hard time going to work after such a humiliation in the workplace or amongst their friends.
Do I think new laws or regulations should be enacted because of this? No, there are enough laws already regarding the internet. Although it would start out with the best of intentions laws like this only get corrupted and do more harm to people's rights than they do good.
Were I a neighbor of this family I would shun them. While what they did wasn't illegal, it was irresponsible and morally reprehensible when you consider the fact they knew the girl was unstable. Also, if I had any children I would forbid them from associating with anyone in the family. And I certainly wouldn't patronize any of their businesses.
And lastly.....
This will seem like a personal attack but it isn't because I'm guilty of the same thing. You made the comment about this being an example of "survival of the fittest". My preferred expression in such situations was, "This is just Mother Nature thinning the herd".Admittedly, it was usually said in jest or as a flippant comment, usually but not always. Whether said in jest or seriously, both are cold and lack compassion. If either of us has any doubts all we need to do is imagine a family member taking their own life or dieing because of some sort of illness. That too, would be an example of survival of the fittest or Mother Nature thinning the herd. The only difference would that it would be said about one of our loved ones. Perhaps I'm getting soft in my old age but I hope I'll think twice before letting that particular phrase slip out after reading this story and all the subsequent posts.
Missouri statute 565.024.1.1
The last time I checked, adults were held to the standard that they were old enough to know that their actions had consequences. I say, leave it up to a grand jury to indict, and a criminal court to judge the facts.
Rather than criminal proceedings against these ********, the better solution would be to 1) publicly expose them, 2) have the girl's family sue them in civil court and clean them out.
If manslaughter was to be applied here, it would have to be the "negligent" kind which equals 12 month suspended sentence.
"social" networking. There is nothing social about it. Most of it's
participant's are miles or even oceans away from each other.
Take some responsibility, get off your butt and go outside and
meet some real people. Take some responsibility for your kids
and their actions.
Social networking sites are the next iteration of the AoL chat
room from the early-mid 90's which was itself the next iteration
of the school yard. If you look 'right', wear the right clothes and
have the right friends, your in the club. If not, well ask Megan
about it,...
consequences. Adults should realize that an emotionally
unstable teenager can quickly become a powder keg. When an
adult starts taunting an emotionally unstable teenager with
comments like "the world would be better off without you", the
outcome should be obvious.
Publicly name the guilty. If there are no laws against this, at
least let them be known publicly as the disgusting child killing
scum they truly are. They pushed Megan to hang herself, pure
and simple.
In fact, since no laws seem to have been broken here, I'd like to
make a fake profile on a social site like Myspace and try to taunt
these guilty child killers into killing themselves with lies and degradation. We'd quickly see how they like it.
That said, there used to be a time in the long long ago when
parents would talk to their emotionally troubled children,
instead of simply pumping drugs into them. In fact, in the long
long ago parents would DIScourage kids from treating their
emotional problems with drugs.
2) Name 'em and shame 'em. Let those who acted in such a manner face the world and the impending ostracism. Let local neighbors and folks at the grocery store stare at 'em in disgust. Let local business owners inform them at the door that their patronage is not welcome.
3) Sue the unholy crap out of 'em. There's probably a long line of lawyers already vying for the chance, and are more than willing to do it for a percentage of the results. There probably won't be too awful much money to be made from it, but it'll certainly be enough to get the attention of anyone else wanting to help their little girl 'get even' in that manner, no?
/P
Curt and Lori (The *****) Drew: 636-272-2670 - home
Curt Drew: (314) 520-8688 - cell
(636) 379-8500 - office
Lori (The *****) Drew: (314) 520-7916 - cell
Don?t let ?em rest until Lori jumps off a building.
http://meganhaditcoming.blogspot.com
- Re: Social Networking (and forums)
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by slimshady007
November 26, 2007 3:45 PM PST
- http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2004/03/19
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Reply to this comment
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(54 Comments)The anonymity possible on social networking sites and forums
indeed does lend itself to abuse. That certainly doesn't mean
that I want to remove either of these services, but I don't
appreciate it when people act and speak out of line (compared to
what he or she may say in person). Take what you hear with a
grain of salt.
Tim