My (fake) interview with Michael Cote of RedMonk

I had planned to interview Cote this afternoon after he moderated a few panels at MuleCon but somehow he got lost in the crowd. So, I've decided to make it all up and entertain myself.

Q: Being that you do most of you work in the Bay Area, why do you live in Austin?
A: I had flown blimps for a number of years and I was based down in Sunnyvale at Moffett Field. I had been training for the next manned shuttle launch to the moon but then Iceland pulled the funding that they had allotted to the program. (Note: while not a native Icelander, Cote spent his early years on a fishing boat in the Atlantic.)

After the moon trip got cancelled I got a gig flying the blimp for the University of Texas football team and ended up in Austin. As all of our RedMonk work is virtual and collaborative and I fly a blimp I can get anywhere slowly but efficiently.

Q: Do you own any teeth that are not your own?
A: I own one of Ben Franklin's molars that I took as payment for a blimp flight from Dallas to Orlando. The client was a crazed oil-baron who looked like the Texan on the Simpsons. His grandfather won the tooth in a bet and passed it on from father to son to grandson. I wear it around my neck at all times in order to keep the peace between the Tories and Whigs.

Q: What's with the beard?
A: A vast majority of great men have always rocked beards. It's a sign of virility and dynamism. If you are on the town you'll always see the bearded guys with the lovely ladies. For that matter, bearded ladies always have the hunky guys.

Q: If you had to choose a favorite pastry, what would it be?
A: First, let me state that its hard to beat a muffin-top. However, my weapon of choice would be a fresh-baked croissant with butter and jam. Excessive? Maybe, but we RedMonk guys live life on the edge.

[tmolini]

I can almost see Cote giving you these responses. See y'all soon.