Warning: Use of this product may result in injury or death!

The warnings aren't exactly subtle. The very first page of nearly every manual threatens, in large type: "Caution. Risk of electrical shock" and "Heed all warnings."

These cautions are used without any sense of proportion or logic. For example, A/V receiver owners are advised: "To reduce the risk of fire or electric shock do not expose this appliance to snow, rain, dripping or moisture." So forget about poolside installation of your new 200 watt per channel receiver.

(Credit: Steve Guttenberg)

I liked this one, found on a single speaker surround system manual, "Do not touch hot spots during and immediately after use." I guess these warnings are used by the company's lawyers in cases of product liability, but do they work?

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I think we have proved beyond reasonable doubt that the plaintiff, Mr. Jones, willfully touched his Acme Z1000 speaker's hot spots, which unfortunately resulted in the loss of his pinky finger. The defense rests."

Here's one from an A/V receiver manual: "Use only with the cart, stand, tripod, bracket or table specified by the manufacturer, or sold with the apparatus. When a cart is used, use caution when moving the cart/apparatus to avoid injury from tip-over." Huh? So in other words, by placing your new receiver on unauthorized furniture, you're at some risk.

Then again, it doesn't say anything about dropping the 42-pound receiver on your foot when placing the receiver on a cart, stand, tripod, bracket, or table specified by the manufacturer. So there's a loophole. Let the lawsuits begin.

There's menace lurking everywhere. You'd be wise to have the bomb squad emergency numbers handy before picking up the remote control and remember the A/V receiver manufacturer's dire "Heed all warnings" credo. This is an exact quote: "Danger of explosion if battery is incorrectly replaced. Replace only with the same or equivalent battery type."

Another receiver manual suggests: "Do not expose the batteries (batteries installed) to excessive heat, such as sunshine, fire and the like." Or at least consider face protection or plastic guard of some type before touching the remote.

Blu-ray, DVD, and CD player manuals sometimes offer this advisory "Invisible laser radiation when open. AVOID DIRECT EXPOSURE TO THE BEAM." Can you say "death ray"? Sounds like a job for the MythBusters!

I noticed a new one of late, the "Listening Caution." It recommends: "Once you've established a comfortable sound level, leave it there." Or else. Raising or lowering the volume may result in, well, I'm not sure you want to find out. You've been warned.

I wouldn't mind these warnings so much if the manuals also provided information about the actual product, but manuals text is too often patched together from other manuals. Cut and pasted bits that aren't relevant to the product just serve to confuse the buyer.

At the end of the day, it feels like the manufacturers don't really give a hoot. They've already got your money. So now they just need to cover their legal backsides.

Have you read any good manuals lately?

[MartinT62]

My Camera Came with a long list of warnings I like this one." Avoid contact with garbage, mud, sand, dust, water, toxic gases, or salt. ...lol... Perhaps they should just tell us to leave the camera in the box and do not open it.

[lynchvt]

Do not look into laser with remaining eye.

[pjhenry1216]

I wonder if this is in any way related to manufacturer's desire to not allow the user to ever tinker with the device. Using proprietary screws, etc. Sometimes, there are wondrous things you can modify. Hell, I've seen schematics to modify a tv remote to use no batteries, but instead shaking it to charge (the whole magnet passing through wrapped wire deal). Or maybe its used to worry the consumer into purchasing only the 'approved' products which just so happen to all be sold by the same company. I doubt its purely only for legal reasons. Honestly, i think its a bit detrimental as there are definitely some warnings that when they say risk of death, they're not exaggerating (some bigger capacitors, etc.).

I think the warnings are used to serve multiple purposes. I think they are to stop the consumer from fixing their own products or modifying them (there's no money in it for the manufacturer there) and its also there for legal purposes.

[sparrowhyperion]

This kind of thing isn't new. I remember back in 1974, when I was 10. My mom got a new electric meat grinder. Half the manual was about it's operation, but the other half was a semi graphic drawing and text which had the phrase "WARNING! do NOT place fingers, hands toes, feet or other appendages into the meat grinder while it is in operation! A Serious risk of amputation and/or DEATH may result if this warning is not heeded!"

Now I have two small comments on this particular warning. First off, any dimwit who puts one of his appendages in a meat grinder while it is running deserves what he/she or it gets. I mean this kind of idiot would be doing the human race a favor by removing his stupid gene from the general gene pool... This person is also a prime example of what happens when you take natural selection OUT of the evolutionary cycle...

The second question is this. The warning says Fngers, Hands, Feet, Toes or "OTHER" appendages... Okay, you have eliminated the normal ones. so either this refers to a nose, or is assuming a male will be using it. In which case, read my comments above about people dumb enough to do this.

While this is probably not the outlandish warning I ever saw, it is the one I remember best because my father and grandfather wouldn't stop laughing for about 2 minutes. When they started making up their own warnings my mom scooted my sister and I out of the room..

The moral of this story is that these warnings see to be written by dumb people, and for dumb people....

[minimalist]

For the most part I just ignore paper manuals and download them in PDF form. At least that way you can do a search to isolated a topic you need to know about and cut through all the legal BS, the silly warnings about not using your new device in the bathtub, and the French, Spanish, German, Japanese and Korean translations cluttering up the remaining pages.

[softwaredesignengineer]

I guess it's because of these stupid lawsuits that people think they can file and become millionaires overnight. If manufacturers put stupid warnings like these in the event of a remote possibility that a camera lying on the floor caused you to slip leading to mental pain and agony costing $5 million, the manufacturer can always say a "hey! I warned 'ya didn't I?"

LOL! ....stupid law suites!

[softwaredesignengineer]

I guess it's because of these stupid lawsuits that people think they can file and become millionaires overnight. If manufacturers put stupid warnings like these in the event of a remote possibility that a camera lying on the floor caused you to slip leading to mental pain and agony costing $5 million, the manufacturer can always say a "hey! I warned 'ya didn't I?"

LOL! ....stupid law suites!

[alegr]

The sword is double sided. As a consumer, you want to be able to sue the vendor if something goes terribly wrong. You cannot have a condition that "you use this contraption on your own risk; whatever happens is your fault". People would not buy it. At the same time, as a vendor, you want to avoid stupid lawsuits. This is why you put reasonable and sometimes unreasonable warning into the user manual. Behind every "stupid" warning stands a "stupid" lawsuit from a stupid user, and companies learn that hard way, to the tune of millions of dollars.

[benjaminstraight]

Good article

[scc4fun]

Here's your sign! :)

[aaasolanki]

The best one was by lynchvt - " Do not look into laser with remaining eye." ....Hilarious... :)