July 3, 2009 12:11 PM PDT

What soccer team would your company be?

by Matt Asay
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Martin Veitch, Editor of CIO.co.uk

If your football club (soccer team) were a software company, which would it be? Martin Veitch, editor in chief of CIO.co.uk, has written two wonderfully insightful (and painful, depending on which team you follow) analyses of which football clubs lost their software twins at birth. See here and here.

Among my favorites:

Google would be Arsenal: Fancy footwork, nice location in central London, clever ideas, and easy on the eye. The players are all young but a lot of the time all the good work goes nowhere. Best players have recently ended up demanding transfers. (OUCH!)

IBM would be Manchester United: Old money and great tradition. Everybody ends up going there in the end, even if they don't like them.

Oracle would be Real Madrid: Forceful leader reeking of money, fine wine, and cigars. The strategy is to buy anything that moves. It usually works in the end.

Red Hat would be Manchester City: Started out with odds and ends donated by local community but somehow ended up with loads of money flooding in.

Adobe would be Everton: Dogged and outperforming but they only have one plan and they live in the shadow of a bigger and better bunch just down the road.

Novell would be Leeds United: They used to be huge when I were a lad.

There are many more, and they're funniest when comparing to the more obscure teams, in my opinion (i.e., you really have to know the game to get the joke), but very funny and dead-on more often than not.

Try coming up with some for other sports.


Follow me on Twitter @mjasay.

Matt Asay brings a decade of in-the-trenches open-source business and legal experience to The Open Road, with an emphasis on emerging open-source business strategies and opportunities. Matt is vice president of business development at Alfresco, a company that develops open-source software for content management. He is a member of the CNET Blog Network and is not an employee of CNET. Disclosure. You can follow Matt on Twitter @mjasay.
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by Martin_V July 3, 2009 12:53 PM PDT
Thanks for the kind words Matt. If the Gooners do as well as the Googlers next season you should be OK.

Best,
Martin
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by jhrozek July 3, 2009 1:10 PM PDT
SCO would be FC Milwall.

"No one likes us, we don't care"
Reply to this comment
by foxcityfc July 6, 2009 11:43 AM PDT
but everybody hates Leeds United
by cvaldes1831 July 3, 2009 1:15 PM PDT
Maybe Microsoft as the New York Yankees?
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by Random_Walk July 3, 2009 7:11 PM PDT
Heh... good one :)

(for the joke-impaired, think about it for a minute...)
by shywolf982 July 3, 2009 2:49 PM PDT
Okay, from an Italian perspective:

Microsoft has to be Juventus. Won big in their home league, did not perform too well outside, and their last winnings were stained by judiciary convictions.
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by CunhaFC July 3, 2009 2:49 PM PDT
Maybe Brazil's national soccer team is the Open Source community. Lot's of talent, lacks coach, scores always...
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by goodspeed8701 July 3, 2009 3:31 PM PDT
I think arsenal fc
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by bianconeri4ever July 4, 2009 2:26 AM PDT
Who the F is Satyam? And why are they Juventus?
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by lbytesxk July 4, 2009 7:06 AM PDT
I hate google and I love Arsenal, so this whole thing sucks
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by chapibol July 4, 2009 9:23 AM PDT
Microsoft=Fc Barcelona. Leaders in almost all of their respective fields of expertise. Fc Barca won their domestic league, the spanish king's cup, and the Uefa champions League. only thing left this year is the Club world cup. which Barca will play against either, brazil's Cruzeiro or Arngentina's Estudiantes.
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by nycsean July 6, 2009 9:05 AM PDT
No way is MS Barca- that's an insult to the FC. MS is more like the LA Galaxy- only wins in a domestic league they control. Barca is LINUX.
by chapibol August 1, 2009 2:22 PM PDT
@nycsean
whatever dude. Linux is more like some small unkown team playing in the 2 or third division in China
by AppleSuxLeo July 4, 2009 8:05 PM PDT
Would be an ice hockey team...
Soccer is for *******.
Reply to this comment
by dzankizakon July 5, 2009 5:42 AM PDT
To 99% of people outside of the US, American sports are just lots of overweight people standing around with hands on their hips at 5 o'clock in the morning on home shopping channels.

First they show a 10 minute ad for an miracle exercise machine, then some fatsos looking at the scoreboard for 5 minutes, then again 10 minutes for a fruit blender machine ad, then 5 minutes of a short fat guy talking into an earpiece...
by dzankizakon July 5, 2009 5:24 AM PDT
Hilarious! :-)

Google would be Barca rather than Arsenal, I think. Top of the world right now, but Microsoft (Real Madrid) is in the rearview mirror.

IBM would be a Liverpool, glorious history but been second best lately.

Microsoft would be United - ruthless, a bully, rich but prefer to develop talent rather than acquire expensive players.
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by sargess25 July 5, 2009 9:06 AM PDT
first off, it's football (not soccer) - the guy being English has a narrow view on the football world. Lets slightly rewrite it for him

Apple: has to be Barca, glamorous team playing attractive football. The current European champions

Google: Chelsky new money, powerful and yet doomed to failure in the long term

M$: Real, the big beast, won more than anybody else - the ability to overspend anyone in the business

Adobe: Milan, strong powerful, stylish always there when the chips are down. Second best record in football

Dell: Man U, they won something and yet they're full of crap, big mouths and all

HP: Juventus, old tradition living on glory days, still a force to be reckoned with

Sony: Arsenal who? one-nillers

Toshiba: Bayern, solid no frill hard to beat

Ubuntu: Ajax, young and full of optimism gave the football world some great footballers, won less than they deserved
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by dzankizakon July 5, 2009 3:05 PM PDT
Excellent analysis! ;-)
by jamesgallagher July 5, 2009 12:06 PM PDT
.. if you're going to be like that, let's refer to it correctly as Association Football then :P
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by Matt Asay July 5, 2009 1:58 PM PDT
Hey, most readers on CNET are from the US so I had to call it soccer so that they'd understand. In my house, it's "football" or "futbol," the beautiful game.
by cvaldes1831 July 5, 2009 7:08 PM PDT
Isn't "football" what barbarians call rugby?
by pmonks July 5, 2009 8:56 PM PDT
In response to cvaldes1831:

Soccer: A gentleman's game played by louts.
Rugby: A lout's game played by gentlemen.
by sargess25 July 5, 2009 10:03 PM PDT
to pmonks:
it used to be true until recently, nowadays with eye gouging, ear biting incidents rugby has lowered its standard. Anyway the original aphorism was:

"Football a gentleman's game played by ruffians, whilst rugby is a ruffian game played by gentlemen"
by dcardozo July 6, 2009 8:27 AM PDT
well, for something like 99% of world population, football is the sport that most americans call soccer.
That's because americans call football to another sport, that is not played mainly with the feet, and that is played almost exclusively in the USA.
to Matt Asay:
I didn't know that most readers on CNET are from the US, do you have data to backup that claim, or you're just guessing?
by usfutbolr July 6, 2009 6:56 AM PDT
Nortel = Toronto Blizzard of the defunct NASL. Oh SNAP!
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About The Open Road

Matt Asay brings a decade of in-the-trenches open-source business and legal experience to the Open Road, with an emphasis on emerging open-source business strategies and opportunities. Matt is general manager of the Americas division and vice president of business development at Alfresco, a company that develops open-source software for content management. He is a member of the CNET Blog Network and is not an employee of CNET. Disclosure.

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