• On The Insider: Will the Jacksons Perform Concert Dates?
March 22, 2005 11:28 AM PST

Meet the new boss, Lara Croft

by David Becker

The news that Elevation Partners, the investment firm co-founded by U2 singer Paul "Bono" Hewson, is bidding for control of game publisher Eidos, got us thinking.

Forthwith, here's our Top 5 list of ways the life of "Tomb Raider" heroine Lara Croft will change if Bono becomes her boss.

5--Will have to yell, "Uno, dos, tres, catorce!" before every big jump.

4--Must always wear twee little cowboy hat.

3--Instead of an English butler and various science weenies, sidekicks will now include Brian Eno and U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan.

2--Instead of pistols and first aid kits, in-game inventory will now consist solely of a special-edition iPod.

1--Instead of roaming the world in search of priceless archaeological artifacts, will roam the world in search of third-world debt relief.

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