Hey, if you dump your boyfriend, you'll be happier. How do I know? Because you could be with me.
How do you know you could be with me? Because I'm in your waiting room. No, not in the waiting room at your dental surgery. I'm in your Facebook WaitingRoom.
You might have thought that the Breakup Notifier was enough to make love's course run smoother than your own sometimes coarse behavior has managed to effect. Breakup Notifier is a Facebook app (since blocked by Facebook) that notifies you the minute one of your many crushes became single.
But WaitingRoom doesn't want you to sit idly by as the person you have set your virtual eyes on makes a mess of his or her life. No, WaitingRoom actually tells them that you're waiting there, ready to sweep them off their feet and into a better life.
How can one not admire WaitingRoom's depth of understanding when it comes to human relationships?
It's entirely private, says the Web site. No one will know that you've taken one step beyond Facebook stalking. And, in an extraordinarily generous gesture, the site promises never to publish anything on your Facebook feed.
You might wonder that this app might offer the potential for fisticuffs between former and future lovers. But, wait. The site waits for 48 hours after you've broken up before revealing the identities of your admirers.
So it's a little like blackjack. The house has 19. You have 17. Would you like another card?
As the site itself so cleverly declares: "If you're already in a relationship, WaitingRoom will give you the confidence to become single again--if that's what you really want."
Oh, doesn't everyone want something better, something fresher, something more alluring? But just imagine if you do tell your lover goodbye. You rush off to your WaitingRoom, only to discover it is full of very sad looking people.
And, of course, a couple of your lover's BFFs.