sloths

Microsoft + Yahoo!: A sign that Microsoft's best days are past

The New York Times hits the nail right on the head: If Microsoft were at the top of its game (as its numbers suggest), it wouldn't need to acquire Yahoo!:

...[Iif its proposed acquisition of Yahoo signals anything, it serves as a confirmation that Microsoft's glory days are in the past. Having failed to challenge Google where it matters most -- in online advertising -- it has been reduced to bulking up by buying Google's nearest but still distant competitor. In many ways, the company has become exactly what Bill Gates used to fear the most -- sluggish, bureaucratic, slow to respond to new forms of competition -- just as I.B.M. was when Microsoft convinced that era's tech behemoth to use Microsoft's operating system in its new personal computer.

of course, just as with IBM, becoming "sluggish, bureaucratic, [and] slow" is not to say that Microsoft is going out of business any time soon. Rather, it's just to say that Microsoft's glory days of market innovations are well past it (not that anyone was doubting this - when is the last time it really did anything innovative?).

But Microsoft can't be happy about failing miserably to compete in the 21st Century, as the Guardian notes, choosing instead to preserve its 20th-century gains:… Read more

Paper towels for the lazy germaphobe

We're impressed. Crave is proud of its unfettered history of laziness, but even we might be too embarrassed to have something like this.

The "iTouchless Towel-Matic Automatic Sensor Paper Towel Dispenser" promises to handle the laborious task of pulling a sheet from the roll, which we all know is a back-breaking experience. To be fair, as Uber-Review notes, it could make a nice gift for your favorite germaphobe.

Actually, given our own idiosyncrasies, maybe this idea isn't as bad as we thought. We just hope that it's more efficient than its seven-word name.

How to mow the lawn, wirelessly

No, it's not a bike helmet. Quite the opposite in a way, because that implies way more activity than we're accustomed to. That's why this item is dedicated to the "LawnBott," a gadget close to our artery-hardened heart because it allows us to further our pursuit of laziness.

A kind of Roomba for grass, this gadget mows the lawn for up to four hours and conveniently returns itself to its recharging dock, never interrupting a single mint julep in the process. Have a big lawn, you say? Not a problem: The LawnBott covers 33,000 square feet … Read more

DDR, the Lazy Edition

Even though our resident "DDR" expert has the day off, Crave remains dedicated to giving you all the news about Dance Dance Revolution whenever we can. (Especially if we don't have to exert ourselves physically to try it out.)

That's why the "USB Finger Dance Mat" is our kind of DDR product, as it doesn't require us to leave the chair to participate. In fact, we must stay in the chair, or at least close enough to a USB port, because "instead of using your feet to follow the lights you use your fingers … Read more

For lazy pasta lovers

File this under "for the ridiculously lazy"--a rapidly growing category of late.

USB-powered devices are slowly rising to the iPod case's level of ubiquity. Who isn't selling one of these? It may be because no one is feeling the urge to do anything more than an arm's length from a keyboard any more.

Case in point: Gearlog has a USB Noodle Strainer that, quite honestly, resembles a foot bath. It's for making cold soumen noodles when you're presumably too engrossed in battling virtual armies of the undead, or are allergic to kitchens, … Read more

Forget the chairs--get a massage bed

Anyone who's been to a mall in the last decade or so knows that massage chairs are a dime a dozen (well, maybe a few grand a dozen). But what about a massage bed? Now we're talking.

The "Heated Shiatsu MassageBed" from Relax The Back isn't just one of those vibrating quarter-operated motel beds, as its $1,995 price tag indicates. Not only does it have all the features of a fully loaded massage chair, but it also has 14 rollers made of jade. That's right, as in the jewelry.

"Since jade is … Read more

Talk to your remote, not the hand

TiVo may be falling under the superficial spell of techno-fashion with its Glo Remote, but competing gadgets know that beauty is only clamshell deep. Take, for example, the InVoca voice-activated universal remote, which supposedly recognizes up to four voices and 25 commands for your TV, VCR, DVD player and other devices. It also has a charging base--shouldn't all products have those by now?--and a hands-free surfing function (we're not sure exactly how that works). The InVoca's name reminds us of an Italian scooter, but we've already gotten over that. If it works as billed, we … Read more

When remotes rule the world

Maybe we're crazy for asking this this, but does anyone really need a remote for a portable music device? That seems about as necessary as a separate handset for a mobile phone.

Apparently somebody thinks it's a good idea, such as the people at Advanced Technetix who are marketing their "Visual Remote" with a backlit screen that controls your iPod "without removing it from your bag or pocket," according to Krunker.com. We're going to wait for the remote for this remote.

(Photo: Krunker.com)