dirty

Many years ago, there was a cricket match between the West Indies and England. (Cricket's a little like baseball, only takes longer and often no one wins.)

The radio commentators were talking about a bowler (pitcher) called Michael Holding. The batsman (hitter) was Peter Willey. One of the commentators then said, quite naturally: "The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

After a nanosecond of silence, the whole commentating crew was reduced to monstrous giggles. They couldn't stop. There was nothing they could do. Because, well, one of them had suggested that the bowler was holding … Read more

We couldn't have said it better ourselves: Rent is Too Damn High isn't just a resounding truism for all NYers, it's also a candidate party AND a slogan created by NY governor hopeful Jimmy McMillan. At last night's NY gubernatorial debate, McMillan looked and sounded more like an SNL skit than a serious cry for change.

Regardless, we can definitely see this guy getting his own TV show, or at least a dedicated segment on the next Autotune the News video. Despite his karate expertise, he won't likely get our vote--not because we don't trust the guy, more due to all the GIFs on his "Web site."

"Man accidentally impregnates wife after losing Apple iPod" is a deceiving headline, but that's exactly what happened to 28-year-old Doug Wilson when he forgot to look at an iPod app pre-coitus that explained the details of the "rhythm method" (Google it) for contraception. Checking your phone before getting down isn't very romantic, although it does sound like something Wilson would do, so don't skip this segment or you might end up with a baby in beta.

Despite Steve Jobs' surprise announcement at yesterday's Apple earnings call that there will not be a 7-inch iPad, we're still waiting with open wallets for the next generation to come out. On the other hand, nasty news about the amount of germs on the average American's touch screen might put that purchase off for awhile.

According to a British study, cell phones have 18 TIMES the germs of a public toilet seat handle. Add that to the list of other filthy objects we touch on a daily basis, including elevator buttons, door handles, and money, and it's only a matter of time before Apple debuts its own line of sanitary gloves to use with all its touch screen devices--blech!

After a quick review of "Jackass 3D" by yours truly, we discuss whether or not Mark Zuckberg learning Chinese will help get Facebook back into the country's list of unblocked sites. Apparently the Facebook founder has set a personal challenge to learn the language one-hour per day, in an effort to understand the "language, the culture, and the mind set" of a country that has 420 million active Internet users. Tune in to hear Wilsons' personal experience with Web censorship in China, and what roadblocks Zuckerberg can expect to face.

In recent years, you may have seen a story or two about how toilet seats are cleaner than your cell phone. Well, there may not be an app for eliminating those teeming germs from your mobile, but Violight, a company that specializes in UV toothbrush sanitizers, has developed something called the Cell Phone Sanitizer to execute microbes.

Violight says it's the first UV sanitizing device designed to "eliminate up to 99.9% of germs and bacteria on your cell phone," as well other small electronic devices, including earbuds and Bluetooth headsets.

According to the company, the germicidal … Read more

The Web has such a witty way of bringing the realities of life into the forefront of public thought.

Who can, therefore, not feel a sublime level of sympathy for Canada's National History Society? No, not because Canada's history might seem like a drift from one sleepy century to another. Canada is an exciting place.

No, please feel for your Canadian cousins because the society's magazine, one that celebrates so much that is decent and sensible and, well, Canadian, is being forced by a tsunami of childish smuttiness to change its name.

The magazine, you see, enjoys … Read more

The first instinct when confronted with a radiological explosive device may be to turn tail and run, but the new Demron-W Nuclear/Ballistic Shield affords the opportunity to stick around and save the day.

The Demron suppression blanket provides total protection against ballistics, improvised explosive devices, dirty bombs, spills, and all types of radiological and nuclear incidents, according to Miami-based manufacturer Radiation Shield Technologies (RST).

It acts as a portable shield, tailored to reduce emissions from contained high-energy sources such as Cesium-137, and neutron sources and Americium-Beryllium. It's perfect for covering undetonated radiological dispersal devices, RST says.

The material, … Read more

OMG, WTF, LMAO, and a million other Internet expletives for our new leader, Mr. Barack Obama. Even Jeff, The Lone Hater, can't seem to contain his excitement over the election results. Former 404 host Randall Bennett also joins us via completely useless hologram to share in the excitement and recap the events. Hats off to you, Mr. President. Please give us a call if you're ever in the Gramercy, N.Y. area, we'll see if we can pencil you into the show.

Even though all of us are out of breath and stricken with sore throats from a night of "Whoos!" and "F**K You Tennessee," we still manage to drag ourselves into the studio this morning to celebrate our country's triumphant return to common sense. It's like waking up from an awful nightmare that somehow managed to last eight grueling years. Our special guest on the show today is Randall Bennett, former host of The 404, who helps us weigh on the presidential election, the cheerful optimism resonating from the streets of New York, Twitter's flawless victory in the face of 13562834791 simultaneous tweets, and perhaps most hilarious--the AMAZING CNN HOLOGRAMS! Because when you've got money coming out of your ears and split screens just aren't enough, count on CNN to be the face of American frivolity. USA! USA! USA!

If washing machines and George Foreman Grills can be used to play MP3s, then why can't the Taser? Everyone's favorite stun-gun maker has found a way to do just that, with a new "music player holster."

The accessory comes with 1GB of memory so you can blast away while blaring The Ride of the Valkyries or whatever else you choose for your theme song, according to Audio Junkies. The black leather case would be the perfect complement to the new Taser C2 "self-defense electronic control device," which can zap a perp up to 15 … Read more

AUSTIN, Texas--With all the high-tech in evidence at Maker Faire here, it's hard to believe that one of the most amazing things I've seen was purely analog: drawings in dirt on the side of a car's window.

This is Scott Wade's Dirty Art Car.

Most people, when they see cars with dirty windows, just use their finger to write "wash me" on the glass.

But Wade is taking that basic idea and turning it high concept. He takes a drawing tool and etches wonderful, detailed drawings into dirt on the windows of his simple … Read more

During my blog posts this week, I'll be focusing on ways in which the Internet can be used to disrupt elections and the political process. On Friday, I'll be giving a talk on the subject at the Anti Phishing Working Group eCrime Researchers Summit on the subject of Political Phishing.

In today's post: What happens when voter suppression calls get outsourced to India? How will law enforcement track down the evildoers, and what will this mean for our elections?

Shortly before the 2006 election, voters across Virginia received calls that falsely claimed that their voting places had … Read more