Smirnoff

It might be the new Rickroll. It might not. But a new Internet meme has popped up that could be worth a second look: "icing," an unusually inane and relatively harmless fraternity drinking game centered on the consumption of Smirnoff Ice, the sugary bottled malt beverage that's become classified as the ultimate "girly drink."

"The rules are simple: hand a Smirnoff Ice (the warmer/more disgusting the flavor, the better) to a friend (your "bro"), and he must get down on one knee and chug the malt beverage, regardless of location and … Read more

In cubicles all around Silicon Valley, geeks will be weeping Wednesday.

Yes, despite the best efforts of every possible method of social networking, Steve Wozniak was eliminated, ejected, rejected and thrown into the tango trash by the cruelty that is the voting process of "Dancing with the Stars."

A theory had wafted through the danceosphere that techies would hijack the online voting process and project their lovable, but not entirely ego-free, hero to the sinuous summit.

The fact that he was sent home suggests three possibilities.

One, the producers, deeply depressed at having their integrity besmirched by Woz'… Read more

He started with a rose between his teeth. He ended by spitting the thorns shoved into his mouth by the "Dancing with the Stars" judges right back at them.

Was Woz's sperm-infested Argentine tango any better than his worm-infested samba? Perhaps. In the same way that a poke in the eye with a short stick is better than a poke in the eye with a long one.

Hindered by an endearing lack of coordination, Woz succumbed to the same problem that had plagued him in rehearsals. He was unable to deliver the tango's nasty part.

His … Read more

Once upon a time, Debbie did Dallas. Monday, Steve Wozniak is fully intending to hump a little Hollywood. Yes, unbridled, uninhibited, unimaginable sex. In the form of the Argentine tango.

His e-mails to his Facebook Support Group have become so detailed, so intimate, that at times, I find myself wondering what it would be like if Woz grabbed me by the digits and whisked me onto the dance floor.

I imagine that his grip might be a little sweaty and uncertain. I also imagine that I would be wishing he were his professional partner, Karina Smirnoff.

However, Woz is determined … Read more

I know that most of you are, by now, so into "Dancing with the Stars" that you are being accused of ADD. Attention to Dancing Disorder.

So please pay attention, because I have an announcement to make. Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak's iTunes has crashed. And it is affecting his rehearsals significantly.

I know that you will all want to join me at the heart of the problem. So here is Woz's own description from his latest e-mail to his Facebook Support Group: "it quits with horrible error messages...odd, since I'd had no crashes … Read more

I am fairly confident in thinking that Steve Wozniak has never slept with Charlie Sheen.

Perhaps it was this small, imperfectly-formed thought embedded in people's minds that saved the Apple co-founder on "Dancing with the Stars" and condemned Denise Richards, the former Mrs. Sheen, to elimination. People's predilections are often based on such fickle suppositions--especially when it comes to voting up to 13 times.

Perhaps, though, it was also the tech industry that lifted Woz up on an emotional sedan chair and carried his beaten body to yet another week of competition.

In the elimination show, … Read more

It's been a tense 24 hours for those who love high-class entertainment.

But Steve Wozniak has finally decided that, hamstring be damnedstring, he will samba with his professional partner, Karina Smirnoff, on tonight's "Dancing with the Stars."

In a typically emotional e-mail to his Facebook Support Group, Woz revealed that he was wincing when he walked. This is much more painful than mincing.

However, Karina, the wily, sophisticated, slightly moody Russian, has modified their samba routine so that Woz's strained hamstring can take the strain.

However, the artist's heightened consciousness of subterfuge and conspiracy … Read more

I wonder if Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak and the producers of ABC's "Dancing with the Stars" will meet for coffee and a slice of cake before next week's show.

Earlier on Tuesday, Woz had declared that he was being set up by those cynical Hollywood producer types.

He said that if he was in the bottom two, it would be "an outright lie." And he was convinced that the fix was in for him and his partner, Karina Smirnoff, to be in the dance-off (and win it) in order to boost ratings.

You will … Read more