In our philosophy class today, we will be discussing this existential question: What is the opposite of a Genius Bar?

In Jon Stewart's view, it's a group of senators attempting to fawn all over Apple CEO Tim Cook, instead of heating him up next to their goat steak and their veal sausages.

It was inevitable, perhaps, that Stewart might have an observation or two about Cook's odd appearance in front of the Senate Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations. (I say "odd appearance" because he was wearing a tie.)… Read more

The story so far: Microsoft has dispensed with defense and is throwing at least five (very) wide receivers at Apple -- and Google, Samsung, and whoever else stands in the way of it and nirvana.

Wednesday, Redmond released an ad in which it kidnapped Siri and persuaded her to denigrate the iPad, as if it was, oh, the rotund man in glasses who used to represent Microsoft.

Thursday, the company decided to release another ad offering that the iPad was nothing other than a slab of old bloat. At least when compared, for example, to the slightly lesser-known Asus VivoTab. … Read more

Microsoft isn't bothering to merely flex its muscles these days.

It's opening fire in all directions, because what is there to lose? Oh, perhaps money. But apart from that.

It's gone after Google in a quite chilling manner. It's gone after the Apple-Samsung phone feud.

So, in a further escalation of hostilities, a new Windows 8 ad sees Microsoft take Siri hostage, tie her up in a chair, and make her tell the truth. … Read more

Technology and love have a long relationship.

In recent times, the former has played the dominant role.

We now find partners online and one-night stands on our phones.

However, Samsung would like you to know that the best way to meet the woman of your dreams is to pull out your gadget and stalk her a little.

Perhaps this is already your preferred form of seduction. This new Galaxy S4 ad will be, therefore, a touch redundant for you.

For the rest of us, though, it is an education. Here is a boy who cannot help taking pictures of the … Read more

It's not easy being the boss at 1 Infinite Loophole.

Instead of traveling around the world to expand your business and inspire your troops, you go to Washington in order to expand narrow minds and perspire at the absurdity.

You even have to find a polite way to answer Sen. John McCain when he demands to know why he's always having to update his iPhone apps. … Read more

You thought it had been settled, didn't you?

You've been practicing the new pronunciation (or the old one).

And now you're going to have to think again.

Recently, the White House very presciently decided to open its own non-purple Tumblr account. It took the occasion to declare with seeming finality that GIFs -- those very files that so many people find funny -- are hard, not soft.

Hard as in hard "g." Gif like "gift." Not like "jiffy."

Some giffers fell in line. Now they will have second thoughts. For the … Read more

What can I tell you about men that you don't already know?

They're ungracious, semi-literate buffoons whose ability to lift even one buttock from the couch is dependent only on the urgency of their bodily needs.

Men are insensitive, unfeeling, gross, dirty, and smell not unlike your garbage disposal. They eat food with the delicate air of a depressed rhinoceros.

These are not my opinions -- though a lifetime of research suggests that they may have some validity. These are the expressions offered by a Samsung ad for its Evolution TV Kit.

You can see that it took … Read more

I am drawn to pain like Einstein to thought.

So when I heard that Yahoo had allegedly bought Tumblr for $1.1 billion, there was only one thing to do. (Editors' note: Shortly after this story was published, Yahoo and Tumblr officially announced the acquisition.)

Wrap myself in foil, log on to Tumblr and survey the posts tagged "Yahoo."

I tried to let my eyes waft at random in the hope of finding fair balance or at least something more than purple haze.

The first thing I saw was a post from someone called "world-peace-not-war." I … Read more

Congress is a dog that won't go for a walk.

We can tug at its leash as hard as we want, but it sits in the middle of the sidewalk, barking a defiant "no." It's not a purposeful no. It's just a refusal for the sake of it, couched in principle.

Then along comes America's most ambitious politician.

No, it's not Paul Ryan or Elizabeth Warren. It's Larry Page.

The man who is Google stood at last week's I/O 2013 conference and made his own types believe that he was … Read more