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Part 2: Where failing used car salespeople come to rest: ShopNBC

In part one of this two part series, I introduced you to a young fellow named Elliot. Elliot, a blue shirt wearing, black-haired salesman on the ShopNBC channel was in the process of selling an HP notebook, an HP printer and a digital camera. If you're interested in his hilarious, yet amazingly error-prone dissertation on why you should buy this gaggle of goodies for a mere $1000, then head on over to this site. If not, then keep reading.

When I last left you, I promised stories of peer pressure, body building and Vista excitement. Luckily for you, oh faithful reader, I shall not disappoint. But I must warn you: if you have not read part one of this two part saga, please do not read on, for there are spoilers ahead.

As Elliot was describing the HP notebook with that "uncrashable" Windows Vista Business installation, he had an epiphany. Instead of wasting our time with sales pitches that just weren't working, Elliot decided to go back to school. How you ask? Well, instead of talking about the notebook's classroom practicality, Elliot reminded us of days that are best left in the past: bullying.

In Elliot's own words, this HP computer is something that "kids will be proud of." They will no longer need to walk through school telling everyone that they're using a Mac or those incredibly ugly Dells, why no! From now on, 9-year old Johnny can tell 10-year old Billy the Bully that he is proud to own an HP laptop featuring a 15.4-inch widescreen with Vista Business and an Intel Core Duo. Proud!

Elliot, obviously remembering his childhood, left nothing to chance. Instead of wasting time talking about 3D windows, he went to the jugular. He almost lost me before he pulled out his ace in the hole. But as soon as he mentioned peer pressure, I was immediately brought back to D.A.R.E. class with Officer Casey, and I melted all over again. This man, Elliot, had me on the edge of my seat.

But rest assured friends, this was just the tip of the iceberg. Next up, Elliot told us how lightweight this svelte beauty was. Tipping the scales at just under six pounds, this laptop is nothing like the rest of the laptops on the market -- those fifteen pound clunkers! Why, no! Instead of forcing you to use both hands, Elliot showed us all that he could lift this laptop "with what? Three fingers?!" And while this may sound like a simple feat, think again -- Elliot was a small man with some muscle issues, for sure. After all, if he can lift up a notebook with just three fingers, can you imagine what you can do with it? Just think of the possibilities!… Read more

HP stands for "Hailstorm of Printers"...no, really

It's like Christmas around here in printer-land! Epson (here and here) and Canon recently announced a huge bunch of printers and HP is joining in with its announcement Tuesday of 15 printers. I'm telling you: Hailstorm of Printers. Ready to hear about them? Get a snack...the list's long.

On the home consumer side are a bunch of Photosmarts--standalone snapshot printers and all-in-ones--as well a Deskjet printer.

Photosmart A526 Compact Photo Printer: This portable little 4x6 snapshot printer features memory card slots, a 2.4-inch color display, and one-touch red-eye removal. The fold-up paper tray and handle … Read more

Part 1: Where failing used car salespeople come to rest: ShopNBC

Last night, as I was making my list up for the top 5 best video games of all time, I was flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch. Bored with the choices, I decided to turn on ShopNBC to see what the salespeople had to offer. And while I was prepared for some lines that would make a used car salesman cry, I wasn't prepared for the hilarious onslaught of pure bull.

The show started at 9PM and was replayed at 10PM with some extra anecdotes of information and a few more tidbits of funny and … Read more

Summer of the ultraportable laptop

It's no secret that we have a soft spot for supersmall laptops. Ultraportables, as they're called, generally have 11- or 12-inch screens and weigh in at less than four pounds--perfect for lugging around all day or hanging at the local coffee shop with. Unfortunately, these guys are usually plagued by the twin devils of high prices and poor battery life (not to mention occasionally underpowered processors).

This, however, has clearly been the summer of the ultraportable, with a generous handful of exciting new systems generating heavy buzz. But with all these new choices, which one is right for … Read more

Gigantic HP laptop finally here

Maybe it took extra long, 'cause it was so hard to get these giant things on the truck. In any event, the 20-inch HP HDX--a massive multimedia laptop we previewed extensively back in May--comes with some cool new hardware tweaks and is finally ready to hit dorm rooms and CEO offices around the country.

One of the first systems to be announced with Intel's revamped Centrino Duo platform, the HDX won us over with its huge 20-inch display (which moves back and forth on a giant hinged arm), touch-sensitive media control buttons, pop-out remote control, and gamer-worthy specs. … Read more

Velocity Micro gives us a sneak peek at its mystery Home Server

We don't know its name, what it will cost, or even what its right side looks like, but you can add Velocity Micro's new mystery product to the list of others coming out this fall with Microsoft's newly finished Windows Home Server software. According to Velocity Micro, its Home Server will come in several different configurations, but across all of them it will feature a Conroe-based CPU and a high-end chipset. The idea is to limit bandwidth bottlenecks and account for future third-party software add-ons that may demand more than the basic system requirements of Windows Home … Read more

HP's new thin-and-light tablet

We have a love/hate relationship with tablet PCs. On one hand, we dig the swiveling displays and touch screens, even if we rarely find a chance to use them. On the other hand, adding convertible tablet functionality to a laptop often means adding size and weight, while knocking components down a notch or two.

HP is one of the few PC makers that can design smart-looking tablets (such as the consumer friendly tx1000). New today is the HP Compaq 2710p Tablet PC, a 12-inch widescreen tablet that weighs in at 3.6 pounds and is only 1.1 inches … Read more

Before you blush, call HP

Color matching and management is a serious technology hurdle for retailers, online and off. Navy blue is frequently indistinguishable from black in stores, rust-colored shirts ordered online turn out to be bright orange when you open the box and that seafoam green paint that looked so good on the chip makes your living room look like a kelp bed.

These are not the problems that HP Labs announced it has addressed with its new color-matching technology.

No, HP Labs sent out a press release touting its ability to base cosmetics recommendations on your cameraphone self-portrait, and seeking business partners who … Read more

HP iPaq 510 Voice Messenger finally shipping

Six months after its official unveiling at 3GSM World Congress, the HP iPaq 510 Voice Messenger is finally shipping here in the States. The voice-centric Windows Mobile 6 smart phone features some advanced voice-command functions that let you perform a number of tasks, such as making calls, opening applications, and composing and sending e-mails, just by the sound of your voice. The iPaq 510 is available unlocked through HP, with prices starting at $319.99.