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What's more annoying? Batteries or people who sneeze without covering their mouths? Batteries or Jay Leno?

I choose batteries. They always give out at the least opportune moments and I'm always stunned by how much they cost at the local supermarket, or, indeed, the local Apple store.

So I have not been able to resist hitching up my pants with joy on hearing that some very clever engineers at Stanford are working to make your T-shirt, your pants, or, indeed, your favorite purple undies become, well, Energizers.

I am indebted to the fine minds at Engadget who tossed the news my way that Yi Cui of Stanford's Department of Engineering is leading a team that may revolutionize your intimate relationship with your iPhone, BlackBerry, or any other highly personal gadget.

Professor Cui and his team have already turned paper into power with the ingenious (to me, at least) use of ink infused with carbon nanotubes. (I have embedded some evidence.)

Now, they have taken the same principle and applied it to your wardrobe.… Read more

This is the finest NBC sit com since "The Office."

The spittle being tossed by Conan O'Brien toward NBC executives who have removed his show from its time slot and Jay Leno, who is re-taking it over, is both tautly orchestrated and touchingly sincere.

Last week, O'Brien offered to sell the "Tonight Show" on Craigslist.

Now, in what appears will be his final week as host of the NBC show, he is using the "Tonight Show" Web site to link to show memorabilia he claims to want to sell on eBay.

O'… Read more

The more time you spend around people in the tech industry, the more you realize just how important some of them think they are. When one is from outside the milieu, this can sometimes seem a little strange.

Now evidence has emerged that might give some in the tech industry pause for reflection. And I don't mean staring at their own gorgeous reflection in the mirror.

A survey performed by the Lewis PR company, brought to my joyously watering eyes by TheNextWeb, revealed that 20 percent of Brits questioned thought Steve Jobs was what they call a footballer and what Americans sweetly describe as a soccer player.

Though many of you will toss your mice up in horror at the mere concept, I must admit I am not in the least bit surprised. It's not that Brits are uneducated or unaware. They are really quite bright, in a bookish sort of way. Moreover, if you watch the footage of the survey interviews I have embedded here, the surveyors questioned American and French people who happened to be in the U.K. too.

No, this result is unsurprising because "Steve Jobs" really does sound like a soccer player. His is the name of a dour, destructive lower-league midfielder who repeatedly gets yellow cards for late, over-the-top tackles that result in severe injuries to opponents. The name conjures up a man who spits a lot, pulls his opponents by the tiny hairs on their lower back, and stares menacingly at referees and handsome males in bars.

For those who have no interest at all in the personalities (such as they are) of the business world--never mind the narrow personalities of the tech world--Steve Jobs might as well be a soccer player. Or, as the 10 percent of the 1,000 respondents thought, a trade union leader.… Read more

This might be one of the most fruitful ads Google has ever enjoyed. And it wasn't even created by Google.

According to NBC Bay Area News, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak was on the set of an education program called "NBC Class Action" when he was asked an entirely innocent question: what is your favorite gadget?

Wozniak reportedly replied: "Well, it's the latest one. It's a non-Apple product, but it's a gadget that just came out yesterday."

You will be stunned into February to hear that this remark was made the day after … Read more

America has been gripped this week by the battle between two men, each with one portion of his head oversized: Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno.

The baiting and the bile have spilled over into the online world. The "I'm with Coco" Facebook group already has more than 157,000 fans and a lovely icon of O'Brien with which people are adorning their personal, but highly public, profiles.

Friday, I awoke to a Leno fightback. The Huffington Post reports that NBC executive Dick Ebersol described O'Brien as "an astounding failure." He also said … Read more

I haven't been to see "Avatar" because I have feared it would make me depressed. I have feared I would be depressed that so much money had been spent on a movie which, like "Titanic," made me manicure the fingernails of my right hand using the fingernails of my left.

It appears, however, that I am not alone in experiencing "Avatar"-related dysthymia. According to the erudite CNN discussion I have embedded, thousands of people have been flooding "Avatar" chat sites and saying that the movie did, indeed, depress them. But their reasons are somewhat different than mine.

They seem to feel miserable that the idyllic world of Pandora is nothing more than a box of 3D tricks. They want it to exist. They are sad that it doesn't.

CNN quoted one depressed post-"Avatar" poster who wrote: "It was like my whole life, everything I've done and worked for, lost its meaning." On the Facebook Avatar-Forums group, a wall poster called Paul Neumann wrote: "ALL I SAID WAS " I DON'T WANT TO BE ON EARTH AND HUMAN ANYMORE, I JUST WANT TO BE ON PANDORA WITH THE NA'VI!"!"

Jo Piazza, a CNN entertainment writer declared: "I think the depression is widespread enough that it is an actual phenomenon."… Read more

General Motors has taken away his cars. Perhaps it was something to do with his driving record.

Accenture has replaced all those entertainingly spurious images of him in their ads with a picture of an elephant on a surfboard. (Which rather finely describes the balancing act he allegedly tried to perform for so many years.)

However, EA is not going to be moved so easily to distancing itself from Tiger Woods. The company has already said that it will release a new "Tiger Woods PGA Tour Online" game.

Now, Kotaku has discovered that EA wants to know just … Read more

I am sure there are many of you who inhale marijuana for purely medicinal purposes. Your pains might be physical. They might be psychological. But you feel as though your world is going to pot, so you turn to pot.

Now, an enterprising man called John Lee has decided to bring a little online rigor to your smoking vigor.

Sonoma, Calif.-based Lee has created PlainView Systems, a remarkably non-hippie name for a venture that, according to CNNMoney.com, he describes as the Amazon of pot.

That would be Amazon.com, rather than the never-ending river.

A visit to the … Read more