As technology becomes more sophisticated, the world's texters can send their important messages and extremely personal photos at an ever-quicker pace.

Still, one British woman, 27-year-old insurance company worker Melissa Thompson, seems never to have thought it possible that she would become the Usain Bolt of SMS.

The UK Press Association reported over the weekend that Thompson was shopping with her boyfriend when she came upon a Samsung roadshow. Perhaps it came upon her because, before she knew it, she was encouraged to try to break the world record for speedy texting.

In order to win this title, her … Read more

I know that the Green Goosesteppers mean well.

I know that they are saving the world from itself and preserving it for those who currently need to chew gum and smoke pot simultaneously in order to pass from one hour to the next.

However, I am a little concerned that, as we are all increasingly placed under surveillance, we will soon be called out for our supposed moral, as well as legal, deficiencies.

Please, for example, look at Cleveland. I don't know whether the city has decided to climb the Mount of Moral High Ground because of the departure … Read more

Please think very carefully.

You're on a rush-hour train. You smell something burning. What is your automatic thought?

That the brakes were made in England? That you're soon going to smell something sweet and weedy wafting through the train? Or that someone's been listening to the Crazy World of Arthur Brown (embedded here, in case it has somehow passed you by) on their iPod a little too loud?

If the last is your immediate thought, then you would be closest to events on a rush-hour train in Western Tokyo.

According to Reuters, the train was crowded when … Read more

Is it really wise to antagonize the Good Lord? He has, according to the Scriptures, shown an occasional penchant for large-scale destruction.

So why would anyone, let alone a vast electronics retailer, wish to demand that one of his shepherds change his ways? In the case of Best Buy, it seems that the company decided that this one particular shepherd has a mission that steps onto its own hallowed ground.

Father Luke Strand, according to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, is a man who believes that humor and advertising are vital components in ministering to his flock.

So he decked out … Read more

There are times, I am sure, when you believe your car is talking to you. Your lawn mower too, no doubt. These machines sometimes groan and squeal as if to say "Ease up, big boy" or "Honey, I have a headache."

I have to tell you, though, that these messages are all in your mind. Machines do not have feelings. They will never truly love you.

Well, all except one. A bike called Precious.

Precious has been fitted with all sorts of clever sensors that reveal the bike's thoughts and feelings at any given moment. As Precious rides along, the sensors send the average of their readings by text message back to servers that analyze the true emotional soul of this extraordinary machine.

This analysis leads, it being the modern world, to tweets at Twitter.com/yesiamprecious. Did I mention that Precious is currently on a 3-month journey from the East Coast of America to the West, in aid of Livestrong? Well, I should have, because it makes for some fascinating understanding of how a machine's brain and emotions really work.… Read more

Rubik's Cube is a little like Carrot Top. You're either into it or you stare, uncomprehending, as others express their enthusiasm.

Still, there are people all over the world who are desperate to discover all the different ways in which you can solve this infernal puzzle. These people are often called mathematicians.

So, according to AFP, an international group of these mathematicians begged some computer time from Google in order to unburden themselves of an issue that had, perhaps, disturbed their personal relationships for far too long.

Because these mathematicians worship the concept of efficiency (well, one of … Read more

Few could truly claim that teens are, on the whole, terribly useful.

So the story of Christian Owens, an upstanding 16-year-old from Corby in the United Kingdom, might inspire others of his age to put down their pipes and their resentment and try to do something with their days.

It helps if you have a strong admiration for Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

According to the Daily Mail, Owens happened to be moved by the revolutionary chief executive. So, at the age of 14, he created a company called Mac Bundle Box, a neat little way for people to save money … Read more

How much do you love your iPhone?

Do you think about it late at night? Do you secretly keep it under your pillow and occasionally stroke it when your more human loved one isn't looking? Or do you allow your son to play ping-pong with it?

This is not a spurious question. I want all iPhone users to be at one with their machines. Which is why I was close to being a victim of nefarious embalmment when I read information from Protectyourbubble.com, which seems to be a site that makes money out of insuring things like, oh, your iPhone.

According to Protectyourbubble's research, a fifth of iPhone owners made an insurance claim last year. The most popular were "cracked screen" and "stolen while texting." But the details of some of the claims might make you wonder about the source of humanity's difficult direction.

You see, apparently, one iPhone owner declared that he had "lost it while skydiving." This, at first, made me sputter uncontrollably. But then I realized that if I were ever insane enough to go skydiving, I, too, would take my phone to make one or two last calls in the event that the chute had been tampered with. Still, don't those flying suits have zippers?

The skydiving excuse isn't even at the top of Protectyourbubble's list. That would be, "I dropped it from a hot-air balloon." Again, I can understand this. The individual was taking pictures, a gust of unexpected wind affected balance, and the iPhone sank to a difficult demise.

Can one, however, find sympathy for the individual who claimed that their iPhone had fallen into a kettle? What kind of suicidal iPhone does that? Why would anyone be holding an iPhone while filling or emptying a kettle? … Read more

She was so real. Yet she wasn't.

Jenny, the girl who allegedly used a dry-erase board and e-mail to quit and reveal her boss' FarmVille habit after he had allegedly referred to her as a "hot piece of ass," is, indeed, an actress in Los Angeles.

Her name is Elyse Porterfield. She is from Colorado. And she had merely auditioned for the part of the fictional Jenny, a part that has spawned heroine worship from far, wide, and even beyond that.

Although Jay Leno and Good Morning America were said to want her on their show, she … Read more