Technically Incorrect

I imagine that everyone in the Googleplex, while not being exactly replicant-natured, reads many of the same books, watches many of the same movies, and shops online on the same polo shirt site.

Perhaps that is why my sympathy nodule is twiddling at the news that the family of the author Philip K. Dick is reportedly considering legal action at the name of the new Google phone.

Dick is the author of "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" a novel in which owners of animals are rather cool and androids struggle with the concept of empathy. In this novel, which was sucked into Hollywood to serve as the stimulus for the movie "Blade Runner," the androids are called Nexus-6.

Google's operating system is called Android and its new phone, unveiled to hysteria rather than hisses Tuesday, is called Nexus One. Might the idea for these names have been spawned by a Google Book Club reading of Dick?

He looks a little like Harrison Ford, don't you think?

(Credit: CC Affiliate/Flickr)

Who am I to suggest that "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" must be compulsory homework reading at Google and that's how they alighted upon such alluring names? For Dick's family leaped upon the the allusion and, according to The Wall Street Journal, is now consulting learned brains and briefs with a view to perhaps seek compensation.

"We feel this is a clear infringement of our intellectual-property rights," Isa Dick Hackett, a daughter of Phillip K. Dick told the Journal.

Google declined the Journal's request for comment. And lawyers the paper talked to, specializing in trademark disputes, didn't necessarily see an obvious case, even though to a layperson's eyes there is certainly an obvious case of remarkable coincidence.

Naturally, one wouldn't dream of accusing Google of having some kind of disregard for intellectual property (facetiousness intended). And the word "nexus" has been used in many contexts. Moreover, just because you're a character in a novel, it doesn't mean you immediately get legal protection. It seems to be one of those nuanced problems that lawyers find lucrative.

The word "Droid," however, was deemed different. It was thought to be so characteristic of the "Star Wars" series that Verizon paid Lucasfilm a fee to license the name.

Perhaps "Star Wars" is simply a more famous movie than "Blade Runner." Perhaps Verizon is trying to be honorable in its business dealings. Perhaps, though, in such instances, it sometimes depends on whose pockets and determination are the deepest.

One imagines that Google might choose to launch a Nexus Two, then even a Nexus Three. What if the company goes so far as to launch a sixth in the Nexus series? Would Dick's family then merit a call from Google? Or would they call it Nexus Seven and claim that six was the company's unlucky number?

Would anyone at Google like to offer us a thought or at least give us a list of the Nexus One team's favorite books?

It used to be said that mamas shouldn't let their babies grow up to be cowboys.

In olden times, mamas were right. A cowboy's life can be lonely. You often commune more with animals than people. And then there's the problem of riding a horse in very tight Wranglers.

However, these days, cowboys don't merely pick blackberries, they send raunchy texts on them, too (on BlackBerrys, that is). So some enterprising bejeaned geniuses came up with CowboySyndicate.org.

It's an odd choice of name, sounding as if John Wayne and Marlon Brando had gotten drunk one night and merged their family businesses. Indeed, it's an extension of an already existing marketing company run by Chris and Kelly Cooper. And, disappointingly, not Gary.

This husband-and-wife posse told the Austin American-Statesman that they recognized a need for cowboys to be cowboys in their own private online saloon. Their common interests Chris Cooper described as "rodeo, equine interests, music, fashion, agriculture, and so on."

Cowboys are social networkers,too.

(Credit: CC Greenbroke/Flickr)

However, this isn't your mama's cowboy world any more. Chris Cooper described his network's vision as the "New Western Order." Which might, for all I know, refer to a military coup cowboys are ready to stage in Texas.

The membership appears to have taken to the intimate exchange of online chatter. But far more interesting to the noncowboy are the topics that the site covers. Goat tying, for example. And the incomparably descriptive "mutton busting."

Kelly Cooper told the Statesman that participation comes from parts far and near: "Our members range in age from 16 to 75 and hail from all over the world--the U.S., Canada, the U.K., Japan, Sweden, Australia, France, and more. All of our members, no matter where they come from, have a love for both Western and mainstream lifestyles."

While you contemplate the main differences between "Western" and "mainstream" let me tell you that on the CowboySyndicate forum, you'll find a lady cowboy poet, who helpfully explains: "Can't call myself a cowgirl poet because I write most poems in the male gender." You'll also find cowboy DJs and even a discussion about the Trail of Painted Ponies. You know, those cute figurines of horses on your mama's mantlepiece.

I could find no postings from cowboys who were looking for someone to complete them, but I feel sure that CowboySyndicate will be an important forum for the future development of a culture whose values have had such a profound effect on recent world history.

People need many things right now, but surely nothing more than the ability to spontaneously see through the clothing of another.

You know this is true. So do the other-oriented folks at Presselite. For they want you to share their pride in an application creation called Nude It, which was approved by the Apple store Komsomol Tuesday.

Antoine Morcos, co-founder of Presselite, admitted in a press release that the creators' inspiration in the development of this astounding technology came from the WhoIsTheBaldGuyBlog. I have embedded a YouTube video in order to give you some relief from feeling that you inhabit a strange planet called Nexus One.

In essence, the pleasure you will get from Nude It may well rival what you felt when you were 7 and took a gullible elementary school pupil into the restroom, placed their head in the toilet bowl, and asked them if they've ever seen the blue goldfish.

I can sense your cheeks twitching with anticipation as to how one might use the Nude It app. Well, the instructions tell me that you point your iPhone at a friend, or someone who is about to be a former friend, from a distance of less than 6.5 feet.

The scanning technology will then reveal to you every last mole on your victim's ribcage, as well as every last goose bump of their excitement.

This is what they call nude? Sigh.

(Credit: Presselite)

The makers do warn that you should clearly see your subject's face on the screen before you activate their embarrassment.

I am concerned, though, by the images that Presselite has included as an example. You see, they show that Nude It merely reveals people in their underpants. The general method males use for this purpose is to find a lady friend with whom they can wander into any of the increasingly liberal changing rooms of our major retail stores.

Still, I know many of you will be rushing to experience this new tool and that several of you will soon have pressing appointments with your Human Resources department.

Everyone is talking security these days. Does this include Facebook?

I ask because a group called "Kill Obama" was on the social-networking site for more than a month before Facebook's attention was drawn to it by CNET late Monday evening.

The group, which appears to have been created in Alberta, Canada, had 122 members and five administrators. Its existence originally caught the eye of Brian Cuban, brother of tech entrepreneur Mark Cuban.

Brian Cuban, who has long criticized Facebook for its attitude toward Holocaust denial groups, used his blog, the Cuban Revolution, to point out the apparent criminality of the "Kill Obama" group: those found guilty of a threat to kill the president could face up to five years in jail.

The "Kill Obama" group, which was active since November, was entirely open and set out its goals like this: "We are going to kill Obama. Ten of us will surround the capital, armed with sniper rifles. Mr. Hope And Change just made his last speech."

(Credit: CC Jay Cameron/Flickr)

Facebook's response might strike some as peculiarly confident. Andrew Noyes of Facebook's public-policy group in Washington, D.C., told me via e-mail:

The group in question, which was created by an individual user, was brought to our attention on Monday and was removed promptly. As for the broader issue of controversial content that may appear on Facebook, I wonder how a phone company would answer a question about preventing threatening phone calls or how the postal service would respond about preventing threatening letters? And Web mail providers about threatening e-mails?

Some might feel that the difference is that Facebook can better see and hear what is on its site than phone providers or the U.S. Postal Service. This communication was entirely public and had been on the site for a while. The impression Facebook gives, however, is that it is doing more than most communication platforms to fight misuse.

Noyes continued:

Just as none of those communications platforms can guarantee their tools won't be misused, neither can we. However, different from those platforms, Facebook is committed to enhancing our already-robust reporting and review infrastructure, and reducing our response times in removing content that violates our policies. When we find egregious violations, we'll kick people off for good and prevent them from committing further offenses. Again, this is something that the other communication platforms can't do nearly as effectively as we can or at all.

The robust reporting and review infrastructure seems to have not been terribly robust in this instance. Facebook can give the impression that it is more attuned to removing images of breastfeeding than policing hate and threat.

Given that the company is so able and keen to collate information in order to help advertisers, some might wonder whether one member of its "porn police" might be reassigned so that Facebook might exercise a little more vigilance in the area of threatening and possibly criminal activity.

Indeed, one might have thought that Facebook would have security in place that would immediately monitor groups using such obvious keywords in their names as "Kill" and "Obama." However, Facebook's view is, according to Noyes, that there could be "millions" of possible permutations of these two words.

I know that there are many mathematically skilled readers here, so perhaps they might offer a view on these millions of permutations. My nonmathematical methods just revealed to me that by searching "Kill Obama," there were only 571 results. These results didn't appear to offer anything as overtly threatening as "Kill Obama." Indeed, the top group, with 143 members, was "Don't Kill Barack Obama."

In September, Facebook removed a "Should Obama be Killed?" poll, again after it had been noticed by the media. Indeed, Facebook's view seems to be that the policing of the site is largely down to, well, you.

Noyes told me:

No system is perfect, but we believe this is the best system, and we're always working to improve it. With extremely few exceptions, our user base has proved to be vigilant in flagging content that should be taken offline.

Perhaps there are more users concerned with naughty pictures than threats to kill the president. However, when asked if Facebook had given the personal details of the "Kill Obama" group to the authorities, Noyes said, "We don't comment on investigations, but we're in regular contact with the Secret Service."

All's well that ends well is one philosophy of life, of course. But not the only one.

It is easy to be cynical when it comes to the Tiger Woods extramarital scandal. So let's try.

Those companies that were merely associated with him for his persona--for example, AT&T and watch maker Tag Heuer--have distanced themselves from the great golfer. However, those whose brands are of the sporting kind--for example, Nike--are banking that Woods will return to sporting glory and will make them even more money.

Which left Electronic Arts to ponder its next move.

Video games are hardly sport, but they depend on sport for much of their amusement. So it is surely no surprise to the cynic that EA announced Monday it will continue its association with Woods, at least for the near future.

At least the wax version of Tiger Woods is focused only on golf.

(Credit: CC Cliff1066/Flickr)

According to the Associated Press, EA will release a new "Tiger Woods PGA Tour Online" game this month.

EA Sports President Peter Moore told the AP that the company will continue to work with Woods because he is "still one of the greatest athletes in history."

The company deftly swung around any comment on Woods' private life other than a single reference to "mistakes," and one can only imagine that EA is banking its golfing franchise on Woods' swift, rather than labored, return.

It's not as though a Phil Mickelson video game would sell quite as well. And a Stewart Cink video game, despite the fact that he won last year's British Open, might sell slightly less than a Charles Barkley golf instruction game.

That was the cynic talking, not me.

Illegal activity can sometimes be an excellent barometer of a society's soul.

You might, therefore, either leap dangerously close to your chandelier or bang your forehead against your winkle pickers in despair when I reveal to you the list of most pirated e-books of 2009.

I am grateful to the hardened aesthetes at Freakbits who have obtained this list from someone they met on a street corner. Wait, no. This list actually comes from BitTorrent's tally of nefarious downloads.

You will, no doubt, be expecting that the pirates of the Nook and Kindle would have reached for novels of airport quality. You know, James Patterson, Dan Brown, and the dripping anguish of Nicholas Sparks.

You will, no doubt, not have your finger on any kind of bookish Bluebeard's pulse.

Proof that this is an important tome. Even the great Deepak Chopra has a version.

(Credit: CC Dan4th/Flickr)

For the No. 1 illegal download in 2009 was the "Kama Sutra." The Indian manual for so many things sexual managed to beat out another manual of fundamental interest to a pirate's survival on the tossing tempests of this world: "Adobe Photoshop Secrets."

My own feeling, from deep beneath my T-shirt, is that the "Kama Sutra" and "Adobe Photoshop Secrets" have largely been downloaded by the same people for entirely related purposes. However, I cannot prove it, so let us move seamlessly beyond the steamy and attempt to find calmer waters.

Oh, dear. At No. 3, we have "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex." Followed, with geometric nerdy symmetry, by "The Lost Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci." Then, perhaps suggesting an interest in a post baby-making period, we have "Solar House--A Guide for the Solar Designer."

But no sooner were the pirates leaning toward domesticity when up at No. 6 popped "Before Pornography--Erotic Writing In Early Modern England."

The complete series of "Twilight" provided respite at No. 7, before, one imagines, the searing sexual frustration of the yet to shave slammed in again at No. 8 with "How To Get Anyone To Say YES--The Science Of Influence."

At No. 9, please welcome "Nude Photography--The Art And The Craft." And rounding out the extremely rounded and optimistic persona of the illegal e-book downloader we have, at No. 10, "Fix It--How To Do All Those Little Repair Jobs Around The Home."

It is sometimes those who break the law in their youth (and I feel confident so many illegal downloaders have fresh dirt behind their ears) who do, indeed, rise up and become leaders of companies, even of nations.

So I am giddy in the knowledge that that the world may soon be run by people whose primary obsessions are sex and building things.

Google's business side is becoming ever more robust, and ever more, well, business-like. But its doodles are becoming ever more charming, whimsical even. And now, ever more animated.

This heartwarming piece comes as the world organizes parties beneath apple trees to celebrate the birth of Sir Isaac Newton. Sir Isaac, one of the developers of differential calculus and, you know, the first Apple tablet, would have been 367 years old on January 4, 2010.

So Google, at its heart an engineering concern, not only offers us the branches of an apple tree, but, if you wait, an apple gently falls from it, like the latest bright idea from a Google engineer's cranium.

I cannot remember too many Google doodles springing into action. So for all those searching for something to enliven themselves as the world of work begins to churn into another year, little could be more inspiring than this lovely piece of animation.

I am sure honest Hollywood agents do exist. It's just that they don't seem to employ the finest PR firms to proselytize their honesty.

This might explain why Oisin Hanrahan, the Irish creator of an iPhone app called SuperAgent, decided that the main character in his game might be a few scruples short of Mother Teresa.

SuperAgent seems to have been well received, a reception that might have led to its being noticed by, well, Hollywood super agents.

According to the Independent, one super agent may have enjoyed a particular interest in this app. His name is Ari Emanuel. He is the agent for so many important acting citizens such as Robert De Niro and Sacha Baron Cohen as well as directors such as Spike Lee. He is even thought to be the person upon whom the character of Ari Gold is based in the delightfully fluffy "Entourage" on HBO.

What is important for today's story, however, is that he has reportedly set his more toothsome legal dogs upon Oisin Hanrahan and his company, Factory Six. You see, the slightly less than honest agent in the SuperAgent game is called Ari.

(Credit: CC JorgeMir/Flickr)

While I leave you to gather your breath for a moment, let me just whisper that it is not the mere mention of Emanuel's first name that appears to have ruffled his hairline.

The Independent kindly offers details of the cease-and-desist letter that has caused Apple to remove SuperAgent from the App Store.

"The game uses the name 'Ari' for the main character, which clearly is a reference to Mr Emanuel, the co-chief executive officer of WME, one of the world's premier talent agencies," begins the forceful cease-and-desist letter.

It continues as forcefully it began: "[It] clearly intends to capitalize on using Mr Emanuel's and WME's names for the game and possibly mislead the public into thinking that Mr Emanuel and/or WME endorse the game - effectively trading off the goodwill, reputation and fame established by our clients."

Hanrahan deftly told the Independent that because of the "Entourage" series, "Ari" is a name that symbolizes Hollywood in general, not one person in particular. He added: "We're a very small firm, of just three people, and since Apple pulled it we have had no income."

I feel sure that many of you will sympathize with Hanrahan's plight. His arguments appear plausible. His game, just as the "Entourage" show, seems but an amusing diversion from the pains of everyday existence.

But perhaps others might consider that while saying truth to power is an often alluring concept, one should always think carefully before saying jokes to power. Power is a sensitive soul, one that isn't always comfortable with japes. Somehow, for some powerful souls, taking a joke is like Samson admitting he'd always wondered what it would like to be bald.

I'm not the best in the world at counting. And I'm definitely not the best in the world at counting on damp, cloudy days.

But during a passionately meaningless bowl game Friday, Luke Wilson interrupted my soporifia with a new ad and what I thought was a new fact: AT&T's network, I thought he said, covers "over 230 million Americans".

The ad then wafted off to a dreamland as Wilson persuades someone in a diner to friend request all of these people. My mind, on the other hand, wafted back to November when Wilson began AT&T's fightback against Verizon's taunts.

In one of the first ads, the one about the postcards, there is Wilson, in a sad brown jacket and equally depressed brown shirt, saying these words: "AT&T covers 97 percent of all Americans, that's over 300 million people."

For one uncomfortable moment, I feared that in the last few days 70 million people, so upset that AT&T was severing its ties with Tiger Woods, had moved to some dark part of South Dakota (or New York) to ensure that they could not be reached by AT&T.

Realizing this was quite absurd, I wondered whether there had been an acerbic exchange of missives between lawyers for AT&T and Verizon, in which brows were furrowed and numbers were parsed. Or whether someone had embedded copious amounts of candle wax in my earholes, so much that the wax was now affecting my brain.

Trying to get past the fact that Wilson still looks rather pasty, I listened again and again. I realized that in the new ad Wilson actually says: "AT&T's 3G network covers more than 230 million people."

Yes, the "3G network" is the vital nuance. It doesn't cover 97 percent of Americans, but it does still cover a large number. One that is, more or less, around 70 million smaller than the number that AT&T's total network covers.

I suppose one might presume this to be a coded message to more than 230 million Americans that, despite Verizon's aggressive besmirchments, they should not worry. Their personal self worth can still be uplifted by obtaining an iPhone that will definitely make calls and download gossip Web sites and farting apps.

However, do we now wait for the Verizon ad that says its own 3G network covers, oh, say, 70 million more Americans than, say, AT&T's? That couldn't be the case, could it?

I'm only asking because John Stratton, Verizon's chief marketing officer, said at a conference a few weeks ago that the difference between Verizon's coverage and AT&T's was "almost astounding."

It's a new year and I'd like to be astounded by how astounding "almost astounding" really is. Wouldn't you?