Technically Incorrect

If you thought the British Army's upper lip was always stiffer than its bayonets, then you might be jolted upright by a new development.

The British Ministry of Defense has expressed its concern that soldiers might betray the nation's secrets on Facebook and MySpace. Many British newspapers are relaying soldiers' dismay at a new directive that appears to prevent them from networking socially.

A serviceman enjoying the winter in Afghanistan told the Sun: "The fun police have taken over. I can't talk to my wife and kids or even play Call of Duty 5. Do they … Read more

Lance Armstrong seems like a man with an abundance of life's gifts. Women, calves, Tour de France victories.

However, someone who chooses to "live weak" snuck into his team's truck in Sacramento, Calif., and pilfered Mr. Armstrong's time trial bike. I am assuming that one of his entourage may have informed the police of the heinous event.

Mr. Armstrong himself, however, turned to the one force he can trust. Yes, his 112,000 Twitter followers. With a huge great heave of emotion coursing through his every vein, he penned: "Someone stole my time trial … Read more

How often does a sponsoring company try and ban its own products? Perhaps not as often as it should.

I was persuaded on Saturday to visit the AT&T National Pro-Am golf tournament at Pebble Beach. It didn't take much. Just the offer of a free ticket and the company of the dissolute and deranged.

(For those of you not familiar with this tournament, professional golfers agree to tolerate amateur players like George Lopez, Andy Garcia and Bill Murray for days that seem to turn into weeks. Much of the money goes to charity.)

As I got out … Read more

Could it have been a commenter?

Xu Lai, a well-known Chinese science journalist and blogger was stabbed while speaking at a book reading in Beijing.

Apparently, he was answering questions when two men dragged him into a restroom and knifed him. Thankfully, his injuries do not appear to be life-threatening.

No one really knows whether he was attacked because of something he wrote- his site is known as Pro-State in Flames- or because someone simply didn't like him. Of course, these things are not mutually exclusive.

He is known for what some describe as a biting and sarcastic style … Read more

This one is for mature audiences only.

The whole of Britain is aghast and, quite naturally, deeply interested in the story of Alfie Patten, a 13-year-old boy who has just become a father for the first time. Yes, he and his maybe girlfriend, 15-year-old Chantelle Steadman, are celebrating the birth of little Maisie.

And they're toasting their bliss like every other newly-blessed couple- with a touch of PlayStation.

In these wonderful, touching pictures, baby Maisie rests in Alfie's lap, while he fights off fatherhood's lack of sleep by fighting a bunch of drug dealers in Stilwater Prison. … Read more

Toni Ainsworth is a 21-year-old model who opened a Facebook account.

Because she is a model, she has a lot of pictures of herself taken. Like a fine businesswoman, wishing to extend her brand far and wide, she uploaded them onto her Facebook account.

It is possible that she was not entirely clothed in all the shots. However, no doubt deeply wary of Facebook's Areola Police, who monitor breast-feeding pictures with the latest microscopes, she doctored the pictures on Photoshop. She says she covered all her potentially controversial parts with a barcode--which surely shows a rare artistic bent.

However, … Read more

In my weekly attempt to learn long technical words, I was browsing New Scientist when I came across a concept that made me cough to a splutter.

E-cigarettes.

Powered by batteries, they look vaguely like a cigarette, the end furthest from your lips glows red, they emit smoke, and they give you something of a nicotine hit with every drag.

However, because they don't burn, they are not classified as, well, cigarettes. And because they don't make a health claim, they're not classified as, you know, medicine. Which means that you can sit at a bar and … Read more

It is Friday the 13th. So here is something that might shake your serotonin.

Yes, a Lego cell phone, possibly made by Alcatel.

Well, it certainly appears to be a cell phone made of Lego. With interlocking colored pieces that perhaps were once a knife or a revolver or whatever it is that kids make out of cute Danish plastic.

These strange images have emerged on the web and may or may not be part of Alcatel's attempt to entice those who, um, don't speak very well.

Now you won't get me to speculate whether the batteries might explode a little more readily … Read more

This is not something I would tell everyone. But I had an acquaintance in college who was obsessed with inserting bananas into parts of his body that were not meant for fruit.

Please don't ask me why. Or even how.

But I'm reminded of dear Robbie because I have just learned that therapists believe there has been a significant recent increase in what might politely be termed paraphilias. This is the frigid word for sexual practices that not everyone might find normal. Or natural. Or clean. Or something they would put on Facebook.

It is apparently an accepted … Read more