Technically Incorrect

How many contracts have you signed without even checking to see whether you've agreed to donate your spleen and other entrails to a Bulgarian vulgarian who lives in Krk, Croatia?

Well, those clever professors at DePaul University thought that "hundreds" might be your answer, because they did something very strange. Yes, they brought about an interesting piece of research.

It was not inspired by the raising of voices and emotions about Facebook's terms of service. But it might now be dedicated to it.

They dragged 91 students in from various interesting corners of the campus and … Read more

It's doesn't take too long to fly from New Haven to Cincinnati. But in that short time, student Jesse Maiman's precious, beautiful, indispensable Xbox disappeared from his luggage.

This was no ordinary Xbox. It had a very specialized hard drive and components. Which Mr. Maiman believes are worth $1000.

So you might be wondering why Mr. Maiman is suing US Airways for $1million. Actually, you're probably not wondering. You already know that the loss of an Xbox is akin to losing one's child, one's lover and a couple of vital organs all in one … Read more

Unless you have been unjustly thrown into a Turkish jail for the last 48 hours, you'll know that Steve Wozniak felt a little disheartened after the judges placed him last and compared him to a "Teletubby going mad in a gay pride parade" in the first round of this season's "Dancing with the Stars."

All is not lost. In fact, nothing is lost at all. If anything, he has gained the sympathy of millions. I say "millions" because Monday's show was its highest-rated season debut yet. And this show has been … Read more

I was unaware that there is a company that specializes in licensed science fiction jewelry and perfumes.

Until I discovered the Planet Genki.

Genki Wear, a company with copious imagination, would like you to know that, in complete coincidence with an impending new Star Trek movie, it is launching three bold new fragrances especially for the more mature Trekkie.

First there's Tiberius, which has a very fetching image of a younger Priceline spokesperson on its packaging. Now I hope no one will be writing in to ask why this, of all perfumes, is called Tiberius.

So let's move … Read more

He was wearing a black shirt and black pants. Oh, yes, and a pink boa.

That's why I needed to watch Steve Wozniak's "Dancing with the Stars" debut twice. Everybody needs to watch Wozniak twice.

He showed the personal grace of royalty. He exuded the breezy joy of someone who, one suspects, has very little to worry about.

And then there was the dancing.

In an opening act that was effortful, but, at times, reminiscent of a varicose vein on cocaine, Wozniak chased his professional partner, Karina Smirnoff, around the dance floor and rarely caught a … Read more

You don't normally associate negative emotions with Philadelphia sports.

In the City of Brotherly Love, they believe in affection, even when the circumstances don't warrant it. Criticism knows no place in Philadelphian hearts and bars.

So perhaps it was odd to the management of the NFL's Philadelphia Eagles that one of their stadium operations workers, Dan Leone, seemed a little upset when the Eagles allowed defensive back Brian Dawkins to sign for the depressingly hapless Denver Broncos.

According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, Mr. Leone posted this on his Facebook page: "Dan is ******* devastated about Dawkins signing … Read more

My friend Harriet called me in a bit of a state today. No, of course Harriet isn't her real name. No one is really called Harriet.

Anyway, Harriet had just experienced a shock. Her shrink had tried to friend her on Facebook. Perhaps those of you who go to see a mental health professional to gain a little work/life balance, or merely to tell the shrink all those hateful and embarrassing things you just can't tell anyone else, will appreciate the dilemma.

It's one thing if some business associate (your money launderer, your dealer, your mother) … Read more

If only Circuit City had hung on a little longer, it might have promoted the hell out of this.

The Vatican's official newspaper, Osservatore Romano, has decided to credit a household gadget--the washing machine--with being one of main reasons for female emancipation in the 20th century.

The article enjoyed a headline that positively rippled with gaiety: "The Washing Machine and the Emancipation of Women--Put in the Powder, Close the Lid and Relax."

It suggested that the humble washing machine might have done more to liberate contemporary womanhood than, say, the contraceptive pill, or being able to … Read more

When it comes to "Dancing with the Stars," Steve Wozniak has already proved his legs are limber, not timber. They may not be the longest limbs in the competition, but they have not disintegrated like a C-list ego.

In the limp-up to Monday night's big event (ABC, 8 o'clock, as if you didn't know), Nancy O'Dell, who smiles a lot on some entertainment show or other, has bowed out with a knee that couldn't pasa the doble. And Jewel, a singer who used to live in a car or a truck or a … Read more