Technically Incorrect- Page 217

Should Microsoft employees openly use iPhones?

It's like Katie Holmes telling Tom Cruise she prefers Brad Pitt's movies. It's like Rupert Murdoch's wife googling a Wall Street Journal article to get past the paywall. It's like Reggie Bush telling Kim Kardashian that her sister Khloe is cuter than she is.

This is hurt, anguish, and embarrassment all wrapped up in one corporate migraine. The problem, you see, is that there are quite a few people at Microsoft who love the iPhone. At least that is what an article in The Wall Street Journal is suggesting.

The article offers stories of Steve Ballmer himself pretending to stomp on an employee's iPhone. It tells of Microsoft employees being sheepish about exposing their Apple-made contraptions in meetings. It even suggests that as many as 10 percent of Microsoft employees might be in the thrall of the Cupertino King.

Naturally, there will be those who suggest such behavior is heresy. Ballmer, according to the article, explains that when his father worked for Ford, the family only drove Fords. But in those days, corporations were slightly different beings than they are now. People believed they had a job that would last forever, rather than one that might not survive the next clever little financial ruse from some halfwit on Wall Street or the next pandering to Wall Street by a halfwitted CFO. Employees offered loyalty, because they thought it would be returned. What hope is there now of that?

It is, though, a ticklish area. Does an employee's preference for the iPhone suggest that Microsoft products aren't good enough? Why, yes it does. At least for them. But does that have to be a bad thing?… Read more

Fiorina follows 'Demon Sheep' with heavenly hot air

Words, being playful things, sometimes like to play hide and seek.

And I must say mine found a hitherto unexplored corner of the universe when I watched former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina's new ad in her campaign to be elected to the Senate.

You might remember that her first effort, the so-called "Demon Sheep" ad, resembled something that a mass orgy of acid enthusiasts might have come up with during a week-long retreat.

However, this new ad, which poetically compares California Senator Barbara Boxer to a hot air balloon, suggests that its creators have been doing nothing … Read more

Systems engineer deemed best job in America

If you're a systems engineer who wonders whether you've chosen the right profession, I bring you good news.

Please take a deep breath, stand up, and be prepared to leap so high, you will touch the sky. Then you will, perhaps, want to touch the Skyy. For a survey has declared that systems engineer is the best job in America.

Focus.com, perhaps spurred on by the grumbling that can be heard from so many places of work in the world, performed this most important of tasks.

The site first looked at more than 7,000 jobs. It … Read more

Why people really do care about privacy

I am writing this while wearing a rather cool sweatshirt that I put on for the occasion. I bought it at a 70 percent reduction. It is sort of a beige color, and it has a weird diagonal zip. It was designed by an Austrian.

What else would you like to know? I'll tell you anything. I want to be a truly modern human. A model human, really--one who just doesn't care what people know about me. One who will divulge anything to anyone. (Which, incidentally, many Europeans believe is exactly what Americans do on first meeting.)

You … Read more

Man fined for insulting ex-girlfriend on Facebook

Sometimes, we say things we just don't mean. Or, more accurately, that we really do mean, but we wish we hadn't said in public.

Still, with fewer people seeming to care about privacy anymore, the untoward consequences of our free expressions can be costly. It seems, for example, that saying something nasty to your ex-girlfriend on Facebook might cost you 165 British pounds (around $250).

According to the Telegraph, Darren Mattox, a 29-year-old from Wrexham, Wales, confessed in court to writing something "grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene, or menacing character" to a Facebook friend … Read more

Apple says iPad pre-orders start Friday morning

Apple normally offers a very simple message about its products. Often, there's not even a tagline.

So it's curious that at Apple.com, the company emits these words: "A magical and revolutionary product at an unbelievable price. Coming April 3."

I know that this almost Wal-Martesque offer is making many senses tingle. People are wondering how soon they can put in their iPad pre-orders.

Well, according to TUAW, Apple has confirmed that if you are poised over your Mac at 5:30 a.m. PST Friday, you will be able to go to Apple.com and … Read more

Twitter 1, cowardly bike thief 0

It's been proven of late that some on Wall Street are dishonest people who might not even think once about stealing whatever they can get their hands on.

However, this rampant disease of thieving seems to have spread to the corners of Madison Avenue. No, not to the sweet, confused coke-snorters of the advertising world (there aren't many of them left on Madison these days), but to bike thieves.

According to CBS2 New York, there was Austin Horse, a bike messenger, who had just hopped off his saddle to make a routine delivery to an address on Madison … Read more

Man marries animated pillow

Sometimes, love is two-dimensional. Especially, it seems, for men.

I never thought I would be able to write a more moving headline than "Man marries video game character." But here we are, gathered today, to celebrate the union between Lee Jin-gyu and a pillow.

Yes, it has taken a mere three and a half months for the video character betrothal to seem nothing more than cheap publicity for stunted minds.

What is so very beautiful and exciting about this union is that the husband can take his new bride anywhere. I have, indeed, embedded a little footage of the happy couple at the amusement park, strapped in for what promises to be a wild ride.

The bride, you see, is called Fate Testarossa. It would be beneath me to suggest that she is built for speed. Indeed, she seems from the footage to offer a comforting and reassuring presence in a world that has clearly gone beyond any normal definitions of insanity.

Fate Testarossa is a magical character in the Japanese anime series "Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha." And she is imprinted on this "dakimakura" pillow in a most lifelike, serene representation.… Read more

TurboTax announces Glenn Beck ad pull via Twitter

Glenn Beck is a performance artist of the highest order. Whenever I have happened upon a little clip of him online, I feel that he has studied just about every successful TV evangelist. He seems to mimic their hand gestures, their little eye rolls. And just like the finest TV evangelist, he also seems to succeed in making a lot of money.

But for how much longer can his act be lucrative? Tax-preparation software company TurboTax on Wednesday became the 120th company to take its ads away from Beck's variety show on Fox.

Companies such as Kraft, Mercedes, Geico, … Read more

Woman, fearing apocalypse, tries to halt collider

Sooner or later, it will all end. Hopefully, this will be before the "Singularity" folks fulfill their metallic dreams.

A woman in Germany, however, fears the end really is very nigh indeed. So, according to the Telegraph, she went to her country's most exalted court to get its judges to understand just how nigh our final breaths are.

The court didn't disclose her name, nor is there any evidence that she was wearing a sandwich board during her appeal. Her fears, though, surround the Large Hadron Collider, situated beneath the border of France and Switzerland. This … Read more