The Macalope: An Apple blog

There is seriously something wrong at Microsoft (tip o' the antlers to David Chartier on the Twitter).

Poor Microsoft.

No, really.

OK, stop that. Stop that snickering.

OK, well, just a little snickering. Go ahead.

OK, done now?

OK.

But, look, they really have a tough job. Apparently -- and who could have predicted this? -- there's a cost to being everything to everyone. The Macalope doesn't envy them. They have a gazillion different users with a gazillion different requirements and hundreds (thousands?) of hardware manufacturers they have to get their software to satisfy those requirements on.

Suddenly the Apple method of making the whole enchilada doesn't seem so bad now does it?

So, again, please tell the Macalope how Apple desperately needs to license the Mac OS, because facing the choice of continuing to wrestle with this unmanageable hydra or breaking it apart into multiple code bases as Gartner is suggesting just sounds awesome.

Of course, it's not to say that Microsoft should necessarily jump on this advice. Gartner, you may recall, is the firm that famously said Apple should get out of the hardware business (albeit by licensing to only Dell).

Go back and read the arguments Gartner put forth. They seemed laugh-out-loud funny then and are even funnier now. So let's just say that not all of Ma Gartner's sons are business geniuses.

The Macalope is in general agreement with Jupiter Research's David Card that today's announcement of hot four-way action between MySpace, Sony BMG, Universal and Warner could be huge. The reason, of course, is because the kids love the MySpace. There are also a lot of details missing and there's plenty of room for them to screw this up, as is frequently their wont.

But the horny one had to chuckle at the press release on Warner's web site:

"MySpace Music" Empowers Artists and Consumers Globally With Unprecedented Digital Music Service and E-Commerce Platform

New Company to Leverage 30 Million Unique MySpace Music Traffic to Activate Monetization Around Music Content

Boy, they really know how to talk to their customers, don't they? The Macalope doesn't know about MySpace users, but when he hears that there's a new service that "empowers" "content" "monetization" through "e-commerce", he just wants to rush right out and cut himself off a slice of that!

The Macalope realizes press releases are not really directed at customers, but they do get put into news reports that customers read. You'd never see a press release from Apple like that. Maybe that's one of the reasons why Apple's the number one music retailer in the U.S.

It seems that Microsoft's Scott Rockfeld was talking some smack about the iPhone at the London launch of Windows Mobile 6.1.

"We are not at all worried. We think we've got the one mobile platform you'll use for the rest of your life."

"Here lies Ted. He used Windows Mobile." Yeesh. Thanks for the creepy marketing campaign, Microsoft.

However Rockfeld was quick to dash Apple's hopes of dominating the smartphone market...

Uh, that should probably be "quick to try to dash Apple's hopes". The Macalope expects that if one were to drive over to One Infinite Loop right now, Steve Jobs wouldn't exactly be sobbing into his falafel.

"They are not going to catch up", he said before reminding us that Microsoft shifted more licences of its mobile platform than RIM and Apple did handsets put together last year.

"Shifted" should probably have been "shipped" there [in comments, shedside indicates that this is a Britishism] but, knowing Microsoft and how it uses its channels, maybe "shifted" is right. "Watch the lady! Watch the lady!"

But what's wrong with that statistic Rockfeld's running up the flag pole there? Well, he kind of sort of left out the fact that the iPhone didn't ship until mid-way through 2007.

If you look at the fourth quarter -- you know, the most recent quarter we have data for -- you'll see that Microsoft had 12% of the global smartphone market, RIM had 11% and Apple had 7%. And, the last time the Macalope checked, 11 + 7 = 18 and 18 is greater than 12 (please feel free to check his math).

Plus, the iPhone is already ahead of Windows Mobile in the U.S., all on its lonesome. And the iPhone was only getting started globally in the 4th quarter and is still only available in a handful of countries.

So, the Macalope doesn't know about it "catching up" -- maybe Apple has no plans to bring the iPhone to other countries, or maybe Apple's just a-scared of Microsoft and is getting out of the smartphone business soon -- but where and when both WIndows Mobile and the iPhone are available, the iPhone is winning hands down.

You can't fault Rockfeld for gilding the lily a bit. That's his job. But it's worth pointing out that it's not based in reality.

Yesterday, Computerworld brought us 5 reasons to ditch the Mac and return to PCs (tip o' the antlers to John Gruber via e-mail). And, sadly, they weren't April foolin' us.

Listen, then, Mac user to the tale of one "Mac fan" who switched... back! (Please shoot the Macalope now.)

So while Apple's sales continue to grow, Keanini decided to buck the trend, and gave up on his most recent Apple machine, an Intel dual-core based MacBook Pro.

That seems like kind of a waste since he could have just used Boot Camp to run Windows on it, but whatever.

"I am all PC at home and at work now, because frankly, if I'm not working, I'm gaming. And the Mac doesn't have games," Keanini said, though his household still has three Apple machines in use by other family members.

One really wonders why Keanini switched to the Mac in the first place. It's not as if it was a great gaming platform back in 2001, when he says he first started using Macs.

It's easy to fall in love with the aluminum cases used in Mac hardware and the slick interface design of the Mac OS X, Keanini said. Those are two reasons why more people are moving to Apple products...

This article is really confusing. Are we talking about home users or business users? Because home users can certainly be excused for making decisions based on the "It's shiny!" index, but businesses cannot.

A cynical person would say that it sounds like the business decisions at Keanini's company were based first on his inclination to be distracted by shiny objects and are now being based on his desire to play games.

Fortunately, the Macalope is not so cynical.

"My rule is to find the technology that makes your company most productive and be honest with yourself about it," he said. "Don't bring religion into it."

And here we all thought that if we just prayed to Steve Jobs harder, Macs could magically run vertical applications in the insurance industry or legacy accounting packages or MS Project.

But according to Tim, that doesn't work. Thanks for clearing that up, Tim!

1. Work-arounds waste time

Dur-hey.

"Everything is going to be a little bit different, and that little difference in everything eventually adds up," Keanini said.

No, Tim, not everything is going to be a little bit different. If you rely on the most proprietary of Microsoft technologies, obviously you're going to have problems, but Macs connect to Active Directory networks, run Citrix, connect to printers, hell, they even run Windows for crying out loud! Arrgh.

One company engineer woke up Keanini the night before presentation slides were due for a conference, his voice cracking with stress, because his slides -- exported from Apple's Keynote presentation application to Microsoft PowerPoint -- looked nothing like they had on the Mac.

Yeah! They probably looked like crap! Which would cause any sane person to ask why the hell he was exporting them to PowerPoint in the first place instead of just plugging a Mac into the projector, but not Keanini. He reminds the Macalope of Ned Flanders' beatnik parents when they said "We've tried nothing and we're all of out ideas!"

You may become quite attached to a Windows application or two and decide that Apple doesn't have a comparable equivalent. Apple is well known for creating user-friendly applications, but for Keanini, Microsoft has a lead with at least one program: OneNote,, which he uses for personal information management.

Well, if Keanini loves OneNote so much why doesn't he marry it?

Seriously, so Keanini's got this One Application He Just Can't Live Without™ that doesn't exist on the Mac. So, yes, maybe the Mac is no longer for him, if it ever was in the first place. The Mac doesn't need to be for everyone, you know. But Keanini seems to have attached a awful lot of emotional value to this one application that takes notes. One might even say he seems religious about it.

Hmm!

Frankly, the Macalope had never even heard of OneNote before (and despite the Classic Mac head, he does have experience with the typical Microsoft enterprise) so he took a look at it on Wikipedia.

Agh! Oh. Uh, looks great, Tim. That's a... handsome application you have there. The Macalope is sure the two of you will be very happy together.

"The designers of Mac -- again, this is their priesthood...

WE GET IT ALREADY.

... are not thinking about letting their users go," Keanini said. "It's like Hotel California: They are not expecting you to leave."

I'm sure the members of the Mac-using community would be more than happy to help pack your bags, Tim.

Companies that move over to the Mac OS X should expect to spend a lot of time converting data if they decide to move back to Windows, Keanini said.

???

And you didn't have to convert anything to go from Windows to the Mac? Do you even hear yourself talking?

"Today, companies need to be thinking about interoperability," he said. "It's the users' data, not the vendor's data."

Well said! Say, Tim, let's take a look at some of the items on the list of Key Shortcomings on the Microsoft OneNote Wikipedia page:

• Limited generic export capability or API functionality.
• OneNote 2007 notebooks, sections, and pages cannot be opened within OneNote 2003 and cannot be converted to OneNote 2003 format, thereby limiting the ability of different users with different versions to interact.

Cough.

People in glass houses, Tim.

Aluminum cases make MacBook Pro laptops, like the one Keanini chose, very sleek. But, Keanini said, the focus on design overlooked the fact that the computers throw off a lot of heat; so much so that he found he could not use the computer on his lap.

Well, now, that's just sissy talk.

OK, fine, a thin laptop is more likely to put the heat of the processor closer to your skin. So Keanini would rather lug around "a monster" than wear pants (the Macalope hears casual days at Tim's company are wild). To each his own.

"The religion made me blind," he said.

Twas not religion made you blind, Tim. Twas that world-class wankery you're practicing there.

Ultimately, it's Keanini's and his company's business which platform they use, but this list simply isn't a practical set of advice. There are reasons to switch to the Mac other than "it's shiny". For all the claims of lost productivity, there's a counter-argument to be made for gained productivity. And Keanini's "tale" doesn't even make any sense. Sure, it's got a beginning, middle and end (Computerworld's Robert Lemos is a reporter, but what he really wants to do is direct!), but it stretches our suspension of disbelief.

Also, the audience should have some empathy for the protagonist. Keanini generated zero empathy with this viewer. Again, if the Macalope were cynical, he'd be inclined to say that his farcical tale and repeated use of Artie MacStrawmanisms were designed simply to get his company mentioned in the press.

Actually, you know what? He is that cynical. That's probably exactly what this is about.

The horny one--the guy with a Mac for a head!--has repeatedly said the Mac is not for every person or for every business. But please spare him your jacktastic reverse switcher tales with the clownish religious references. They sicken him.

Unless you're too busy doing the rickrolling that's so popular with the kids these days, you probably saw that a MacBook Air got hacked at CanSecWest last week.

In a repeat of last year's "PWN 2 Own" contest, organizers this time offered three different laptops running three different operating systems.

David Maynor says:

I hope this puts to rest the myth that OSX is more secure but I am sure the zealots will have a million reasons why this is a fixed or rigged contest.

Well, the Macalope for one has already acceded to his contention that Vista is more secure based on the technical merits, if not the practical ones. So the brown and furry one's not really sure what he's on about. But he's sure David will find a Slashdot comment somewhere that will validate his Artie MacStrawmanism.

There's certainly no denying that, as ZDNet's Larry Dignan says (no "Mac zealot" he), the MacBook Air was certainly the more coveted target:

[The Fujitsu running Vista and the Sony Vaio running Ubuntu] are still standing, but that may be because there's more hacker glory in taking down the MacBook Air.

Plus, you hack it, you keep it. So, sure, everyone's trying to hack the Air. (The Vista laptop was later hacked, but only after the rules were relaxed.)

But putting it all down to the Air metaphorically having a big red X painted on it is ultimately just sour grapes -- it got compromised, and that's a frowny face in the Apple column.

So the Macalope will reiterate his call -- again! -- to Apple to get more serious on security.

There are several reasons these security "professionals" are spending their waking and non-waking hours targeting Macs.

First, they're lashing out at what they think is a "smug attitude" by Apple on security. Frankly, Apple's corporate position on security is so lame that the only thing these people are basing this on is the "Get a Mac" ads. Yes, really. These people have the emotional maturity of a cup of fruit salad. That's all territory we've covered already.

Second, thanks to the resurgence of Apple, most of them have only just discovered the Mac. It's virgin territory for them and, like when Columbus "discovered" the New World, their first inclinations is to immediately start shooting the natives and giving them all kinds of horrid diseases.

Third, Apple simply has not implemented a comprehensive security policy (see: Leopard firewall, Back To My Mac defaults). It may very well be that it's easier to exploit certain vectors on the Mac. The Macalope's not qualified to make that call.

Finally -- and this is the issue that would the easiest for Apple to solve -- the members of the hacker community just don't know anyone at Apple. They know people at Microsoft because the company shmoozes the hell out of them.

If it wanted to, Apple could probably make serious inroads to this community and at least reduce its PR problem by hiring someone they know. Now, many of these people are not exactly the corporate citizen type. They often dress and smell funny and, if you've been paying attention, have the emotional maturity of a cup of fruit salad. So maybe Apple would want to poach someone from Microsoft or look to those who write about security -- your Rich Mogulls, your Ryan Naraines -- and tap someone like that. Sure, journalists still dress funny, but they fare slightly better on the olfactory and fruit salad scales.

See, the easiest thing in the world to do is to get someone who will take these people golfing and tell them "Dude, we are totally going to do that. Next release. I swear."

"Now watch this drive."

The company could defuse a large part of this without changing a line of code because it's less about the relative merits of the various platforms -- which are valid concerns -- than it is about emotion (see: salad, fruit).

And, really, this is exactly the kind of game that Apple has gotten wrong for 30 years. Shmoozing is not exactly the company's forté (just ask any Apple developer how the lunches are at WWDC).

The Macalope certainly wants to see Apple come up with a comprehensive strategy for implementing sound security in its software, he's just saying that there's more than one aspect to this issue. One requires coding, the other requires grease.

Of course silly Mac users are going to flog a study that shows that they, themselves, are five times more likely to say they're "very satisfied" with their operating system than Vista users.

Now, any idiot can see the problem with surveying people who've already admitted to using the Mac.

They're Mac users! They've already drank the Kool Aid! They drank it all up! And possibly drank yours!

Their responses simply can't be trusted because they've already fallen victim to Steve Jobs' voodoo powers.

Hel-loooo?!

Ha-ha! Silly Mac users!

Ryan Naraine reports on Twitter that George Ou has been laid off.

The Macalope's devastatingly handsome and wickedly quick-witted readers know that the horny one has repeatedly asked Apple to take security more seriously. So, he has sympathy to arguments from even David Maynor that Apple is benefiting not from great technology so much as it is from being a smaller target.

But this BusinessWeek piece by Roger Kay is just 10 tons of stupid.

And good lord, just look at Kay's web site! The Macalope knows it's a cliché, but 1996 really did call and it really does want its web template back. No, seriously, the Macalope just got off the phone with it. Not to judge form over substance (Kay fails at both), but would you trust the opinion of someone with a site like that?

No, you would not. And you'd be right. What's up with BusinessWeek?

As hackers pillaged Microsoft's (MSFT) Windows operating system, Apple (AAPL) stressed that its computer platform was relatively virus-free, most notably in that snarky ad campaign, "I'm a PC. I'm a Mac." There was Windows, groaning under the weight of its security apparatus, like some knight of yesteryear packed in heavy armor who, once he fell off his horse, couldn't get up again. And on the other side, there was Apple strutting about, smacking its gloves together and posing for the crowd.

The Macalope doesn't remember that ad. Probably because it doesn't exist. In the "Boxer" ad, the boxer was the PC, not the Mac.

People like Kay seem to forget that these are ads. They're not white papers. They're supposed to be funny and directionally correct.

But now Apple is becoming a victim of its own success...

"Victim"? It is? Since when? Did somebody lose some data? Did anybody lose any data? Does anybody know what the hell Kay is talking about?

Apple sold nearly 7.8 million Mac desktop and laptop computers in 2007. That's a 37% gain over the number sold in 2006 and well more than double the 2001 volume. It's little surprise then that reports of Mac viruses have been rising steadily.

?

???

???!!!!???!?!?!???!!?!??!!

Hackers went to town on the iPhone from day one, opening it for service with nondesignated wireless providers and dropping applications onto it at will.

Could someone please sit down the slower students in the class and explain to them that "hackers" who seek to alter a device's software for the purpose of giving it more functionality are not the same as "hackers" who try to find illicit ways to compromise your data for personal gain.

Kay apparently believes there's a rash of people breaking into the homes of Apple customers, installing applications on their iPhones or enabling them to be used with other carriers and then slipping away into the night.

As if there weren't already enough incentive to hack the iPhone, the 30% revenue "share" Apple will require for every application sold through the iTunes Store should do the trick.

Actually, the 30% is the one thing developers (as opposed to jackasses like Kay who have no actual skin in the game but love to project their weird revenge fantasies onto Apple) aren't complaining about. So, wrong again.

Everyone is rooting for the hackers to win.

If by "everyone" you mean some subset of the subset of iPhone owners who have hacked their phones. And with the coming of the App Store, that number's going to drop.

Apple, welcome to Microsoft's world! This is an environment in which you have to support thousands of developers of varying quality, and all sorts of apps, well made or not.

Again, eh, not so much. Which actually brings up the part of the plan people are complaining about. Apple can pick and choose which applications/developers it wants to work with.

See, Rog, you can't complain that the system is closed and then say Apple's screwed because it's open. It's one or the other.

The elegant simplicity of your platform just makes hacking easier.

Well, no again. It's exploits that make hacking easier. Wait, are we talking about hacking or hacking now? It probably doesn't matter as that doesn't make any sense either way.

Daedalus warned Icarus not to fly too high, for the wax holding the feathers on the wings they were using to escape their island prison would melt in the sun.

This is a particularly appropriate parable since, you know, it's just flat-out nonsense (it actually gets colder the higher you fly).

The funny part of that story you rarely hear, though, is that Daedalus made a fake cow for the queen so that she could copulate with a bull and make the Minotaur. The Macalope love to tell that at parties because it really pisses off the Minotaur who will inevitably yell "My mother is a saint!" and storm out of the room.

Anyway, that's got nothing to do with Apple and hackers.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Well, you've certainly proven that particular axiom, Roger.

But society loves to repay hubris with derisive laughter.

Indeed.

Ha.

Ha.

Ha.